3yr gf broke up with me, wants to get back if I make changes. Need ADVICE

M(25) F(24. 3yr relationship

My girlfriend broke up with me because of something that happened be tween me her and a friend. After about a week of not seeing eachother and me trying to make it work. (I brought her care packages, let her stay at the apartment and paid for it, filled it with flowers etc).

We had broken up 5 months ago because I was talking with another girl, (NOT SEXUAL OR CHEATING, but she did feel emotionally cheated on. It was a previous best friend of mine. Nothing would ever happen with that girl and I wouldn't want it to,, also I stopped talking to her all together, to show my gf that it was nothing) but we figured it out. I was supposed to make certain changes but didn't. We got back together about 3 days after that first breakup. It's been a week of being broken up for the second time.

She told me the other day that she has been on the fence in the relationship and waiting for 5 months for me to make the changes, but I haven't. We both want to make it work, but she said she needs to see changes before that happens. I'll go in to detail about the changes.

First of all she says I'm not my self anymore, and all of the things I hold inside me have changed me. I bottle things up and had about 5 deaths in my friends/family group in a 4 month span in 2020 and never really dealt with it.

Here are the things she wants me to change/how she feels:

1. She feels like I don't stand up for her at all, or protect her. Along with this she feels like I don't show her off enough, or include her when we are out with friends or have my arm around her and showing her off. She says there's so many guys that would fight other guys just to have her, she says there's so many other guys that would kill to show her off, include her, protect her etc.

2. She feels like I'm controlling.

3. She feels like I don't listen to her.

4. She feels like she goes un heard.

5. She wants me to be my self again and go to therapy.

6. She feels insecure and insignificant and feels like she doesn't exist when we are around other people.

7. I'm not open and hide stuff easily, emotions and feelings. I don't tell her everything.

8. She has felt like I haven't liked her/loved her.

Here's what I've figured out, matching the numbers:

1. My controll issues come from not being open and honest about how I feel. So I tell her how I feel about something by trying to controll what it is she's doing. For example if she was going to hangout with a group of guys, I wouldn't say how that made me feel. I would give every reason for her not to go and make her feel bad about it. This is something that I have changed...

PLEASE HELP: some of these things I don't know how to show her I've changed or can change.
I don't know how to prove to her that I'm listening, or will stand up for her and show her off unless we are in public together. How would I do that if its just the two of us? Any ideas? How would I make her start to feel secure? How would I make her know I'm listening and changing? How do I show her I'm changing my self/getting back to who I am?

How do I find my self again?

If you can pick a number and and give me suggestions on ways that I can show her I'm changing or changed that issue, that would be huge for me.

If you have any advice, any suggestions, any ideas on how to show women that changes are happening or make them feel secure again. Real actions and follow through, I will love you forever.

BTW: she believes in me, she believes I can make the changes, she wants to help me change, she wants us to work out. She is amazing.

And please don't just say: ask her how to change or ask her how I can show her. I know, and will be doing that next time we talk.

THANKS. HOPE THIS GETS READ :p

EDIT: I see alot of miscommunication on my part. Neither of us want me to change for HER. We both agree I have things to work on that will better myself. I want to make these changes, even if the relationship doesn't work out. She's a wonderful person. I am trying to make these changes, I want to make these changes. I'm just looking for advice on how to better myself and my relationship with her.

TL;DR: Girlfriend broke up with me because I haven't changed, wants to get back together if I can prove to her that I can change and become my self again. Need advice on how I can make visible changes.

Submitted April 28, 2021 at 08:42AM by Draelden https://ift.tt/3eD0FUz