TL;DR A recent incident made me realize the inequalities in my relationship and I wonder if those things can be worked out or we just aren’t compatible?
My boyfriend (33M) and I (27F) have known each other for almost 5 years and have dated for the majority of that time. In the beginning it was very casual. I was young and wasn’t interested in anything serious but over the past year we’ve become more serious. He has met all my family and friends and I have met his. For a while I have been picturing us getting married and having kids but an incident today pushed me over the edge and now I am second guessing our relationship.
I saw him for the first time in 2 weeks yesterday. He has been on vacation with his mom and I was happy to see him. However he told me that a friend of his invited him to go hiking for the weekend - I asked him to not go, he has just gotten home and I was looking forward to spending the weekend with him. He didn’t really say much and I forgot about it and then later that night he said he needed to set an alarm for the morning. I asked why and he said because he’s going hiking. I was pissed, he hadn’t told me he decided that and now with 7 hrs notice he was going away for the weekend even though I asked him not to. The next morning he acted like he had done nothing wrong, got ready and left as he was leaving I made a comment about not coming back and he was like “oh are you mad?” That just pissed me off even more like wtf of course I’m mad.
I started thinking more though about why I was so angry about it all. I realized this isn’t the first or even second time he has done something like this. He regularly drops everything the minute one of his friends wants to hang out. In fact I don’t think he ever says no. He has chosen spending time with his friends over me multiple times.
I also realized our relationship isn’t equal. I make more money, own a house, own a boat, have investments, etc. he doesn’t have any of that. In fact he has credit card debt, and pays way too much for a sports car he can’t afford. Aside from the financial side we always hang out at my house meaning he is using my utilities, eating my food, making a mess and not cleaning up after himself. Don’t even get me started on the sexual side, I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have cum. We talk about his work and his job all the time but never about mine. I got a big raise this year and I didn’t even get a congratulations. When we go out to eat he’s on his phone, if I ask him to put it away he does but he doesn’t seem to see it as an issue.
So all this has left me wondering what’s in it for me? What am I getting out of this relationship? He’s nice and we get along well enough but everything feels very one sided. He brings nothing to the relationship and I can’t even get him to spend time with me.
I am young, smart, attractive (ok I know that’s subjective) and successful in my career. He is older, tbh not that smart (he regularly has me do basic math for him and doesn’t know the difference between there their and they’re), and he’s had the same job for 7 years with no raise or promotion.
It seems unfair and unequal and I think I ignored all this because we were having fun but I imagine in a long term marriage all these issues would come to the surface. I don’t see a solution here other than maybe we shouldn’t be together? And I guess that’s my question is this something we can talk through and work out or should I accept maybe he isn’t the right person for me?
I don’t want to break up but I also know I can’t change who he is and I dont know if it’s possible to work out these issues.
Submitted April 24, 2021 at 04:54PM by Winter_Seat_7106 https://ift.tt/3sOwqPA
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