Previous post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/mx41np/my_adhd_makes_it_hard_for_me_to_be_a_good_partner/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
I received some insightful advice and decided to put in more of an effort into my relationship. I realized my faults and communicated this with my boyfriend. Obviously changed doesn't happen in 1 day, or even 4 but I told him I was willing to put in the effort and connect with him better. I even suggested to some things that he likes and wanted to do before such as watch a movie or play basketball.
He was receptive about this and appreciated that I recognized my behavior and was willing to change it. Seeing as we planned a mini-vacation together a month from now, I wanted to show him that I am committed to making this relationship work. I even called him this morning and last night to see how he is doing, if he needs anything; basically trying to be a better and more receptive and concerned girlfriend. However, this morning before I started work, on the phone he was not being communicative at all. He gave me 1 word replies, didn't answer anything I asked him and was so quiet that I had a hard time keeping up a conversation so I wished him a good day and started work.
Earlier this week, Monday, I went to his house and thought we might go out and do something but he invited me into bed and I then suggested we watch a movie. We had sex and then watched a movie. After that, he was annoyed to learn that I had gone home after work to change and drove to his house. In his mind, he was thinking that I took the bus. This annoyed him because he said we could have gone out to do something instead of stay home and have sex. I didn't really think anything of it at the time because I was just happy to have spent quality time with him.
Yesterday, he asked and then took back his offer to play basketball because it was too windy so I went home instead of going out with him. I called him to ask about his day but again, he didn't want to talk about it or had nothing to say, so I told him about my day and told him what I'm working on some personal projects that evening. He texted me later saying he was upset that I didn't want to do anything that day and when I suggested that I did want to play ball but he is the one who cancelled plans, he got more upset and said we'll do it tomorrow if he's in the mood. He then went on to say how I only came over for sex the day before and that we could have done something all day but we wasted time in bed watching a movie.
I'm shocked at this. Sometimes he says we don't have enough sex, then he says I only want him for sex, and today he told me the sex isn't even good and called my body disgusting.
I am genuinely hurt. He keeps telling me that he loves me and wants to make this work, then he tells me he's done with me and wants to break up.
This morning, when I called him, i thought he was still upset about last night so I wanted to give him a break and planned on calling him later today. However, after I started work, he kept calling me to yell at me and ask me what I planned on doing this week with him. When I told him my plans, he called me a liar and that I was pulling shit out of my ass because I "feel attacked". While I did feel attacked at that moment, I was not lying about wanting to take time to go out of the city on a hike or something. But he did not want to listen.
I didn't get a chance to say anything because he kept shutting me down and attacking me. I hung up, not wanting his disrespect to affect my day at work, and texted him that we can talk about this when I am off work. He still kept calling me over and over, and sent me lengthy text messages getting angered over multiple things including not making plans, not spending time doing anything, not sharing my feelings.
I understand he has pent up anger and because of our rocky start of our relationship, he's grown to resent me. I, however, have tried my best to keep food in his fridge, make sure he can pay for a lawyer, get his bills paid. I gave him quite a bit of money because he lost his job recently and needed to keep afloat. I cook for him also, because I don't want him to starve. And on top of all this, I still have to go home to my sisters and parents where I also have responsibilities. But these things mean nothing to him because to him, crypto is his investment and his side gigs are his source of income right now. Meanwhile I have a career that I take almost a third of my pay to help him out, while paying student loans.
I realized that because of his financial insecurity, he has grown to resent me. He sees me a privileged and stupid because I don't invest or try to make "free money" but to me, he's delusional because he is late on his rent, and his bill, and still decides to put his unemployment welfare money into "investments" instead of using it to keep a roof over his head.
I am starting to realize now that he may be a narcissist and that I need to get out of this relationship. I haven't done anything WRONG to be treated this way. I didn't cheat, or lie, or steal his money, or do anything malicious against him but he has built a narrative in his head that everyone in the world is out to get him and he's gonna be killed because he's bringing power to the people or something. I believe in him, but I don't believe him. I believe he has potential but I don't want to be chasing this potential. Because when he points out my downfalls, I acknowledge and change them but he assumes he is perfect and has been dealt a bad hand.
At this point, I know I need to leave this relationship because I can see it going in the wrong direction. But I don't know how to communicate this to him in a way he'll understand.
tl;dr: my boyfriend made me feel like adhd is my problem but now i feel like he will see a fault in everything i do even if i put in the effort and communicate to him properly. how do i leave this relationship?
Submitted April 28, 2021 at 03:11PM by ApricotBeautiful998 https://ift.tt/32XvXQu
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