I [F25] threw a birthday party for my friend [F23] at my house, and her boyfriend’s [M30] friends were so awful that many of our friends left well before the end of the night. How can I talk to her about it?

This past Saturday was my friend, A’s, birthday. We are both are expats in a Nordic country (from different countries) and my home is more central than where she lives with her boyfriend, so I offered to host.

There were 8 mutual friends invited and 8 friends I had never met, who were her boyfriend’s childhood friends and their spouses/ partners. Our group is in their early twenties, the other group were her bf’s age.

Unfortunately, if became very clear very fast that her bf’s friends are really not her friends. They weren’t excited about her bday, they stuck to themselves. One of them asked A “how long she was staying in [Nordic Country] and was visibly shocked and dismayed when she told him “indefinitely” (as she is in a committed relationship with their friend, and they live together). A few of them openly mocked and insulted the birthday girl.

There was also some bullying from them towards our friends. One person (who lives at home with his mom and doesn’t have a job) insulted my friend because a whale scientist “isn’t a real job”. A couple of the girls harassed my partner for access to the music (we were playing dance music and they wanted hard rock), so much so that my partner hid the phone and left. They drank all of my friend’s drinks. During a drinking game, they all decided to get one of my friends super drunk (also the youngest) so that he puked and was very sick. There were just a lot of individual things the group did that were disrespectful and added to the bad vibe.

After a couple of hours, all of our friends had cleared out, and it was just them.

I think A had a good time. I was not treated badly by the group, but I feel awful that my friends were in my home and had such a bad time and were made to feel so uncomfortable that they left.

Many people have approached me since the party to discuss how awful their experience was and how I should discuss the issues with A.

I want to have a real talk with her about it, but I also know that she badly wants to be accepted by this group of truly awful, inconsiderate people that don’t care about her at all and clearly don’t approve of her relationship with their friend.

To be honestly, her relationship is toxic with her boyfriend, so it makes the conversation even more difficult.

How can I address how A’s boyfriend’s friends made our friends feel without making her feel judged and at fault? I really want to be real with her but am not sure that she will take it well.

TD;LR : I threw a birthday party for my friend, her boyfriend’s (older) friends were invited and were so awful to the other guests that people left and are upset about the way they were treated. How can I talk to her about it while being supportive?

Submitted April 26, 2021 at 03:20PM by Lucky_Benefit_2707 https://ift.tt/3vnmgqM