Do I (42f) need to concentrate on therapy for my insecurities with him (46m) or is it really just an insurmountable incompatibility?

We've been together for 7 years (unconventional relationship....live together half the time, the other half I stay with my sister to help her out...I share the care with my other sister...who has medical issues). When I stay with my sister, I'm only 20 minutes away. We see each other pretty much daily and even when I am not living there full-time I still usually stay over a couple of times per week.

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We are very different people. He's outgoing and extraverted and loves attention. I'm reserved and introverted and never seek out attention lol. We've had several issues (in the past) where he was seeking attention from other women. The worst one which nearly broke us up was when I discovered a many-month's long "thing" with a woman where he works. Nothing physical but emotionally tangled and spoke romantically to each other, etc.

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The issue I've always had a problem with is social media. He's a huge social media user with somewhat of a "fan base". He's an amateur writer (not sure how to put that exactly....he LOVES writing opinion pieces as his hobby). He's also smart and funny. He's always writing long, witty stories on facebook and he gets a lot of attention for this. He has a gaggle of women on there that love everything he writes and praise him, etc. (These women are mainly people he knew from school or previous jobs or his current job....people he's generally known in-real-life at some point). Of course it isn't only women, but unfortunately that's what I focus on.

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He's used facebook in the past to "attention seek" with women. In the past there have been some flirty messages. I also have a hard time with facebook because while he doesn't outright HIDE me, he never mentions me. He says it is because we aren't married and he has had bad experiences putting his romantic life online in the past. I understand that....but I have a really hard time with all these female fans who just lap up everything he writes especially when I'm never mentioned.

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He's not doing anything wrong. To my knowledge (although how would I really know I suppose?) he's not texting other women inappropriately. He's just doing what he loves to do....engage daily with his large group of followers on Facebook.

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I have become upset with him over this in the past in various ways. But truthfully, as far as I know he's not doing anything wrong and I'm starting to think it's ME. I'm just insecure now. I never fully regained my trust in him. I dislike that he never mentions me on facebook (and I'm not planning on getting married anytime soon.....plus a big part of me wonders if that would change anything anyway....at this point we've been together for 7 years and even when I lived with him full-time as his common law "wife" he never mentioned me). Side Note: he does mention other people in his life (boss, daughters, ex-wife, cousins, mother and father). When I ask why, he says they will ALWAYS be in his life. And he can't be certain about a romantic relationship. And he was publicly humiliated in the past by a messy breakup and he's never doing that again. UNLESS he gets married. But I honestly wonder if even that would make a difference.

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So does it sound like I need therapy to deal with residual insecurities? Or is it a case where we are just way too different to bridge the gap? He's very smart but I seriously doubt he fully grasps what upsets me because despite many discussions, he still behaves the exact same way. Help??

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tldr: I can't tell if I'm just being insecure or if our relationship really just needs to end.

Submitted April 26, 2021 at 09:38AM by Due_Bookkeeper457 https://ift.tt/3aCfbKU