My ex (27F) and I (30M) had been dating for four years. Our mutual friends had hooked us up and we just clicked. We are total opposites. I'm a tall, gruff, logical fire fighter and she is a short, kind, emotional artist but our personalities always complimented each other. We hardly ever fought and when we did it was because we had very different love languages. She needed me to tell her how much I care about her all the time and i needed to be around her and hold her after work and vent sometimes.
The last few months we had been talking about kids names if we had kids and she had been sending me rings she liked. I told her early on that the idea of marriage bothered me and I wasn't sure if I wanted kids and that was fine for a while. I think subconsciously we knew I was lying and that we both wanted the same thing but we didn't talk about it much because talking about it made me uncomfortable. It's hard for me to be vulnerable around people.
This past January, 3 days before our 4 year anniversary, she broke up with me. I did not see it coming and it hit me really hard. We still talked and hung out for a while afterward and to me it felt like a seperation so that we could both find ourselves and hopefully find our way back to each other. This was before I realised how much I had been hurting her.
After about a month of being apart we sat down and talked. I told her I couldn't continue being around her all the time because it was causing me so much pain and I felt like I was being lead on. She said ok and that we would talk again in 2 months to see where we stood. I couldn't be around her because in all of my previous relationship they ended horribly. I was either cheated on or emotionally abused and lead on by my exes and I felt like I was being lead on again.
Over the next two month I really started to reflect on things and I started to see where we went wrong. I never completely opened up to her because of my previous traumas. I was subconsciously protecting myself because I thought it was inevitable that she would leave me. Me doing this caused her to eventually leave. I started to see all the small things that I should have done with her and I didn't because I wasn't prioritizing her. We had moved in together in the beginning of covid and she lost her job. She did alot around the house to help me and I worked and paid for most things. This put alot of stress on both of us and I think this helped drive the issues even deeper to cause the break up.
After those two months had gone by we were supposed to talk while we helped our mutual friends move. I was in a pretty good place because I had done alot of growing and I saw the issues. I thought that maybe since I knew what I did we could fix it and work through it together. She did not end up showing up to help my friend move due to medical reasons. Two days later she text me and told me she was dating someone else. This ripped my heart out. It hurt even more because the guy had been a friend while we dated and she talked to him all the time. This plus only 4 months of being apart and I was devistated.
I know that I'm the reason for the break up but I did not think she would get over me in a few months when she always told me how much she cared about me and how much she appreciated me. I took it really hard and have been calling and relying on my friends and family for emotional support because I don't know what to do. I would do literally anything to get her back because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. We talked on the phone two days ago and essentially she told me that she could not see us having a future together, that she loved me and hoped for the best for me.
My mind knows that I have to let her go and respect her new relationship because even though I want her in my life I want her to be happy more then anything. My heart refuses to let go. Everything reminds me of her and no matter what I do I can't get her out of my mind. I have never felt so much pain and regret in my life. I feel like I am burdening my friends and family because there is nothing I can do. There are alot of support systems set up through my work that I can use but I haven't been able to call them. I'm afraid to call and I'm not 100% sure why.
Most days it's everything I can do just to get out of bed. Some days I have alot of energy and I just pour all of that into the gym. In my previous relationships, once I decided to get over my ex, it was easy to do because they treated me badly. This relationship was completely different. I had a beautiful relationship with an amazing girl who never did anything but try to love me, And it feels impossible to let go of.
I blocked all of her accounts on different social media's so I wouldn't message her and do something stupid. I didn't know what else to do. I wish I could change the past but I can't so if anyone out there has advice on how to keep going and how to get rid of some of this pain I would really appreciate it.
TLDR: My ex (27F) of 4 years and I (30M) broke up 4 months ago and she got a new boyfriend a few days ago. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with her and I am emotionally broken and unsure how to keep going. How do I do the right thing and let her be happy when my heart won't let me let go of her?
Submitted April 30, 2021 at 08:13AM by RegnierHawke https://ift.tt/3vv8rGM
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