We have been together 2 years now and it’s really been the best rs I’ve had - he’s attentive and doesn’t play games and we get on so well and just adore each other. I’ve never had anything like it.
To cut a long story short, he was showing me something on insta and I noticed that he’d recently been searching up an ex of his from some years ago. He’s lied about his exes in the past so it’s a bit of a sore subject and we had a bit of an argument about it.
We decided to talk it all out and a lot was said. But the worst thing was - he told me I shouldn’t worry about his exes because he essentially “used them for sex” and didn’t actually consider any of them long term material. He even went as far as to describe them as “fleshlights”. To my face. That they could’ve been anyone, and he played the part of boyfriend but they were all just women that “threw themselves at him” and one thing led to another. Whereas I was “the one”. And he almost seemed kind of.... smug about it.
These were over a year long rs and not insignificant, I know one was quite serious. Meeting the family etc. Anyway, I think I was meant to take this as a “omg he loves me I’m so special” compliment, but instead was horrified. Eventually I got so upset, and he kept saying it, and I ended the convo.
A few days later I brought it up and he back pedalled. He told me he just meant that they weren’t “long term/the one” and that he was talking to me how he’d “talk to the boys” without thinking about how it meant. He said he didn’t actually use them for sex, maybe initially it was based on that but then they were his gf, he just didn’t want to be with any of them long term, he said the wrong thing, etc. That “casual bang” to him just indicates lack of seriousness about the rs and he should’ve worded it better, he didn’t mean it like that. It did sound like a boy bragging about it and was just bizarre.
I don’t know though. I feel pretty grossed out. I think it was meant to be some twisted compliment but to hear my boyfriend say to my face he’s used multiple women for sex? Gross. For so many reasons. On top of the whole madonna-whore complex thing I’ve recently learned about, which makes me worry about if he wants me sexually (which has never been a problem).
I don’t think he is using me for sex. We’ve moved in together, have integrated into one another’s families and spoken about marriage and kids.
Could I chalk this down to a stupid foot in mouth moment, or is it too big a red flag to ignore?
tldr I was upset about my boyfriends exes and he proceeded to attempt to placate me by telling me his long term exes were “fleshlights” and could’ve been anyone. He’s then back peddled on this and said he didn’t mean it like that but I feel uncomfortable.
Submitted July 21, 2020 at 03:58AM by htueisb https://ift.tt/3joNSXl
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