I (27 F) have been living with my boyfriend (27M) of three years for a couple of months now (essentially since Quarantine started). We are both currently working from home full time. I am currently also going to school part time for a Master's. We split our expenses rather equally, despite him making more money than me.
Most of my "free time" goes towards work, school, and 90% of maintaining the household. I do the grocerry shopping, I plan our meals, I do the dishes, I clean the kitchen/bathroom/living area, I do the bulk of the laundry, etc. His free time, he spends maintaining his vegetable garden. Which I see as a completely optional chore; we don't need a garden.
I've tried asking him nicely before to help me clean up, to do his dishes, etc. He always says that if a pile of dirty dishes don't bother him, they shouldn't bother me, and if I have a problem with his messy habits, I should just leave. He doesn't want to come up with a cleaning schedule at all, nor does he want to compromise his "style of living".
We have probably like 20 plates/bowls and ridiculous amounts of silverware for 2 people laying around because he would rather "always have a clean plate" than have to go wash them. Guess who washes them before they all disappear?
Today I was going to make use of an old crockpot today to try out a new recipe. I got overwhelmed because I had to clean it out first as well as clean up the entire kitchen because my boyfriend never cleans up after himself. I mentioned to him (nicely) that it would be way easier to want to cook, if I didn't always have to clean up the kitchen before I could start. He complains that I don't cook enough. He got upset and said that none of his actions affected my decision to not cook. He said that I didn't want to cook because I was lazy.
I've read a lot of posts on here with similar issues. One partner does more housework than the other, etc. All the responses are basically, "ask them to help out, come up with a compromise, they probably don't know how you feel". Oh, he knows.
I'm at the end of my rope at this point and considering leaving. He wants kids, I told him that he'd have to change his behavior entirely. I could not imagine having a full-time career and doing most of the household maintenance/child-rearing. Has anyone ever gone through a similar situation, where there any strategies that got your partner to change his behavior?
TL;DR : Boyfriend won't clean up after himself, what can I do?
Submitted July 27, 2020 at 03:28PM by HiddenSilo https://ift.tt/3f9NXup
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