My best friend (24F) and I (24F) always make out when we're drunk, but we recently had sex and now I'm confused. What do I do?

My best friend and I always make out when we're drunk nowadays, but we recently had sex and now I'm confused. What do I do?

So I've known I was bisexual for a few years now, but like in the heteroromantic bisexual way. So I never have experienced romantic attraction to girls, just to clarify. My best friend I know has always just seen herself as straight.

In college we drank a lot and would kiss on occasion but nothing crazy. Pecks throughout the night whenever it happened but that was it. I recently broke up with my boyfriend some months ago and since then, the kissing has ramped up to full making out when we're drunk, not everytime but enough times. We went on a trip with some friends about two weeks ago and on that trip one night, we were all pretty drunk and me and her went to our room to get something when we joked about having sex with eachother, but she ended up being serious. Once I realized that, we kissed and it went from there. The night was still early so we spent it trying to get away from our friends multiple times and kiss eachother in other rooms, and even while we were sitting with everyone we were up under a blanket and touching eachothers legs and chest a lot.

By the time we had sex, things were intense but I let her lead. This was both of our first time actually having sex with a girl. Even though I've knew I was bi I had never gone all the way with a girl before. And the thing is I really liked it, and I think she did too. But the next morning we laughed it off and were basically like lol wow that was crazy! And that was it.

It's been on my mind a bit since then but I'm afraid to have any serious conversation with her about it. I feel like maybe this is just a casual thing we do when we're drunk and it's fun and that's it? Because I honestly never have these urges sober with her, but as soon as we drink I always want to kiss her!!!

But now the thing is, we decided like a week ago to start making "videos" together and selling them. We're young and stupid and in our 20s and I think we just want to be crazy, but we're also about to move in together (we were roommates in college so this is not new). So we will be living together again and also hooking up pretty consistently for these videos. She told me I was the only girl she could ever do something like this with.

I have not ever really initiated anything with her anytime we've kissed or even when we had sex. Being bi, I felt like that may be taking advantage or something so she has always initiated with me.

So now I'm confused as hell because I've never liked a girl romantically but I think if I were to ever, it could be her? We're definitely intimate emotionally, we text all day everyday and I've never texted a girl friend like that, only guys I've dated. We tell eachother everything and I definitely feel attached to her. I know she does to me too, she's told me she feels almost clingy to me sometimes. But I've always processed this in a ~we're just really good friends~ way. Till now. I don't know, I mean just two days ago we were seeing a friend together and got drunk again, and on the uber ride home we started kissing again and touching a lot. And when we went to bed that night I just really wanted to cuddle her?

But acknowledging ANY of this sober is fucking terrifying. I just want to know where she's at. I really do feel like this is just a dumb thing we do drunk and I'm over thinking it. and if that's it for her I'm honestly so fine with that. But if she ever told me otherwise I'm not sure how I'd react. I'm not sure if I like her or just miss physical intimacy and its enjoyable with her. Because I also don't care if she hooks up with guys or talks to other people or any of that at all. We're both actively talking to guys right now from dating apps.

So I guess, what does this sound like to you guys and also I should definitely talk to her about this at some point right?

TL;DR

My best friend and I keep drunk making out and very recently had sex. We're really intimate emotionally and I feel like something may be happening here but I'm in the middle of it and can't tell. Pls help.

Submitted July 20, 2020 at 05:59PM by throwRAconfusedbi https://ift.tt/32EBjkw