My wife and I have been together as a couple for 8 years and have been married for 2 w/ a 1 year old kid. We're both lucky enough to make good money; she earns $150k/yr at a job and I run a small business and take home anywhere from $50k-$125k/yr depending on how our year goes. (Variable, I know)
We were both really bad with money when we met. At one point, I owed $80k in credit card debt (that's down to about $5k now). We didn't discuss money with each other for a long time; she paid more rent because she earned more but we otherwise had separate books.
I grew up in a household with parents who struggled with substance abuse and mental health problems.. We were on government assistance for a long time, lost our house and had to stay with relatives, multiple bankruptcies, etc. When my son was born, something clicked in my brain and I wanted to make absolutely sure he didn't have to deal with that chaos in his life ever.
In our household, I'm the one who keeps track of when bills are due, puts away money for us in savings (we have separate checking and savings accounts), etc. I really really really want for us to buy a house, for my wife to start a 401k for herself, donate money to charity on a regular basis and to save up money to travel in the future (something we loved to do pre-baby).
When I started doing our finances together, I found out my wife wasn't being honest with me about her debt - she told me she owed $10,000 or so in credit card debt but it was closer to $40k (that's closer to 25k now). She also lied to me about having set up a 401k at her job. I keep on trying to get her to set it up but she keeps procrastinating.
The problem I have is that whenever I try to sit down with my wife to discuss money or have her do budgeting with me, she walks away from the table or tries to have us do something else instead. I try to make it less stressful--order food from her favorite restaurant or have us watch a movie after--but it ends up with her just shutting down or getting angry at me. I feel like the bad cop right now telling her she can't spend money on stuff and really want her to become more involved in figuring out how much money we need to save up for a house, how we can save for the future... but it just turns into this awkward, shitty rough spot.
Her job involves her looking over budgets and financial stuff all day but she doesn't want to do it for her own life; I just want to make sure our kid has a decent life and that we can put away our money for the future.
TL;DR I want for us to pay off debt, save up to buy a house and for my wife to start saving for retirement; my wife shuts down discussions when I try to discuss any of that.
Submitted July 26, 2020 at 05:58PM by thatdarndebt https://ift.tt/2BxnObk
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