In short, my boyfriend broke up with me because I am a bad person. I've come to terms with it.
I've struggled with depression and anxiety that stems from years and many events of trauma from family and poor friendships. In my entire existence, I never found genuinely cool people until college, but by then I had already developed a shell and was too blinded by my past experiences to realize that it's not always going to be that way.
My bf and I dated for 3 years. He was and is the sweetest person on the planet. He did so much for me, more than anyone in my entire life. All he ever wanted was to be loved by me, but, I treated him like shit from the very beginning. The shell I developed resulted in me making more selfish, inconsiderate decisions and terrrriblleee behavior. Like I am so ashamed and embarrassed.
The day he broke up with me, he laid out all my flaws on the table. I was manipulative, dishonest, uncaring, rude, inconsiderate, invalidating, and so much more. He had facts on facts on facts about each of those behaviors about me and it was so transparent how shit of a human being I truly was and am.
I am in no way angry with him. This actually made me love him 1000x times more because I don't think I would have received this type of transparency again in my life. He has always made me want to become a better person, but I never felt passionate enough to take action and change. When he broke up with me, I was broken. I went through a series of emotions I never experienced before. Instead of focusing on the negative (like my depression wants), I want to focus on making myself better after this experience.
I do wish he would take me back after I get better, but I am aware that that's very unlikely, especially with time, he's bound to finally move on. His emotionally stability is impeccable and I have always admired that about him. It's just sad to know that from his perspective our chapter ends with me being a total piece of shit to him.
A newish friend (who should totally be a relationship therapist lol) has given me tons of advice on how to improve myself and even helped me make a "Problem Solving Matrix" diagram customized for my problems! It's so well written out and addresses every single one of my poor behaviors. I have so much hope in myself to becoming a better person. I know this type of change does not happen overnight.
I wanted to hear other peoples experiences on how they became a better person after their ex dumped them. Whether you were in the right or wrong.
TL;DR;: Boyfriend dumped me because I'm a bad person. Wanted to know other peoples experiences of them changing positively after being dumped.
Submitted July 28, 2020 at 12:09AM by conspicuousblogger https://ift.tt/310tq6y
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