Some context/background: I work remotely and my boyfriend is a medical resident at a hospital, so he works 12-14 hr shifts 5-6 days per week (even more so during the pandemic.) To be at the hospital at 6am, he wakes up at 5am. I obviously don’t wake up that early because I don’t have to sign on until 9am (again, I WFM.) I also have a chronic back injury from my years as a gymnast, so we have thick foam pad on the master bed. Because he wakes up earlier than I do and he prefers a firm sleeping surface, my boyfriend has been sleeping on the couch for the past several months. We’ve found that this arrangement works really well for us because he doesn’t wake me up in the morning & sleeping together was always kind of squished (he’s 6’5”) But he is free to sleep in the bed at any time. Sleeping on the couch is entirely his personal preference and there are no ill intentions behind it.
Fast forward to yesterday (which happened to be my birthday) when I went to the hospital to meet him so that we could make our dinner reservation at a restaurant two blocks from the hospital. As I was walking across the parking lot, I was stopped by one of his female co-residents who asked me if I was going to let my boyfriend “sleep in his own bed” since it was my birthday. I was stunned and didn’t know how to respond.
After talking to my boyfriend, he revealed that he’s told many of his co-residents (with whom he works long 12 hr shifts, including overnights in the call rooms) that he sleeps on the couch while I sleep in the bed. He has also told them that I don’t pay rent, but he hasn’t told them that he doesn’t pay rent either since his parents cover all of his necessary expenses (including utilities, his car, insurance, phone bill, etc. - Aka, the guy doesn’t pay for anything.) (To clarify his financial situation: his grandfather set up a massive trust that goes to my boyfriend’s parents, which they then use to cover all of his and his sister’s (34f) expenses)
The result is that his coworkers have developed the impression that I’m a controlling, freeloading brat. And from what he’s told them, I’d form the same opinion if I heard that one of my coworkers was sleeping on the couch while his girlfriend who doesn’t pay rent sleeps in the bed. Without the full context, I look pretty bad.
So part of me is upset that these people I’ve gotten to know over the past few years (there have been many resident/family events) think something terrible about me and believe that I’m mistreating someone whom I love deeply. And another part of me feels utterly betrayed that my boyfriend has been sharing intimate details about our relationship with so many people. It makes my skin crawl I feel so violated.
I know that I need to talk to him about how I feel, but I don’t know what to say. I also don’t know if I should say anything to his co-residents. Part of me wants to reveal all of the details and the full context, but that also feels so icky and I don’t want to involve anyone else in my relationship.
What should I say to my boyfriend? Should I say anything to his coworkers? Obviously, I want for my boyfriend to be allowed to confide in his friends, but where do you draw the line between venting/discussing things with friends/coworkers and keeping things intimate within your relationship?
TLDR: my boyfriend has been sharing select details of our relationship with his coworkers and I feel violated
Submitted July 23, 2020 at 12:15PM by pompompomegranate2 https://ift.tt/32NA7vf
No comments:
Post a Comment