Throwaway because my bf knows my real username. We’ve been together for about two years now; ever since we moved in together about a year ago, I’ve done a majority of the chores, mostly because I (early 20s F) wasn’t employed and my bf (mid-20s M) was the primary breadwinner. I’ve always felt bad about asking him to help with chores for this reason, but now that I’m working I’ve been asking him to help every now and then.
I really do appreciate that he tries to help, but no matter what the chore is, it feels like I have to go back and do it again after he’s done it. With dishes, he doesn’t ever get all the grease off; with vacuuming, he doesn’t get most of the dirt because he won’t use a high enough setting. He does fold his own laundry and wash his own clothes occasionally, but usually laundry just piles up if I don’t do it or ask him to do it.
I feel even more terrible trying to give him gentle criticism about it since I was the one who asked for help in the first place, and every time I ask if it’s okay if I give him advice he either gets visibly annoyed or it turns into a fight. It’s gotten to the point where I just feel like it’s better to just not ask for help; I’m just so, so frustrated.
TL;DR my partner doesn’t do chores very well and I’m frustrated with it because he doesn’t tolerate constructive criticism about it.
UPDATE: I tried to have a discussion with him about the dishes after he was done with work, and I asked if I could help him figure out how to do the dishes better. He got upset and aggressive about it, saying that I was insinuating that he was incompetent at dishes and that they were clean enough for him so that’s good enough if he has to do them. I told him that they’re still caked in grease when they’re done, and that no, it’s not okay for them to still be greasy when they’re done.
At this point he insisted that he shouldn’t have to do them if he’s so bad at them, so instead I asked if he would mind vacuuming consistently, and said it didn’t have to be immediately since I’d just finished dinner. Then he stormed out, vacuumed, and now he’s holed up in our bedroom refusing to eat dinner because our argument “ruined his appetite”
Fucking hell. I don’t know what to do.
Submitted July 23, 2020 at 01:01PM by twdisengage https://ift.tt/39ox9i9
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