I (45f) am wasting my life with him (45m) because I'm older and don't want to be alone. Soul sucking.

I can't believe I'm in this situation....feels like a bad movie. I've been with him for 9 years. For the first several years it was fairly good. We moved in together and from the outside my life probably looked like a fairy tale. He had an excellent job, he encouraged me not to work (just to help him from home doing errands for his business, etc) and we travelled frequently. We had problems in our relationship but overall I was very in love with him.

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Everything started to change as soon as I found out about his first romantic dalliance with a co-worker. It never became physical (I'm pretty sure it didn't but who really knows) but it broke my heart. I couldn't believe it. It also changed the way I saw him and our whole relationship because the guy I thought I was in love with wouldn't be bothered with some other woman at work.

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I pulled away to lick my wounds and that upset him because he felt I was punishing him and withholding sex. It started a horrible merry-go-round of him reaching out to other women for attention and an ego boost. Each time I would find out, the trust would be further damaged and in the end I was so full of anger and resentment that I became very cold with him (and I quit sleeping in our room) and he had an actual affair.

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It's just the absolute needless destruction of a relationship. Yet I still love him on some level. He also ended up losing his business and now has been out of work for going on a year. He's almost at the end of his savings. We only rented a house, so we have no assets at all. We also have a completely dead bedroom since I found out about his affair because I just am so hurt and angry.

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Now I can't seem to make myself leave. I got a job but it's menial (I was out of work for several years and I don't have a formal degree). He's upset that I work this job because (a) I don't make much money....although it's better than nothing, and (b) it really limits the time I can spend with him.

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I keep thinking I should leave. But I'm realistic. I'm 45 (but look older, probably due to stress honestly). I'm not exactly turning any heads anywhere. I don't WANT to be alone long-term. I very very much want a partner I think back to the early days with him and sometimes I cry. I used to be so happy. I don't want to start over. I just want someone who I'm very important to otherwise I feel so alone in this world (I'm an introvert and I have very limit connections outside of him). Even though he's hurt me many times, I know I'm important to him.

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Is it worth leaving at this point? Or buckling down, helping him focus on getting a job and then starting couple's therapy and try to rebuild a better relationship? I'm so confused and tired.

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tldr: I can't decide if it's better to leave a rather crappy relationship where I KNOW I'm really important to him but end up alone or work hard to make it better.

Submitted July 07, 2020 at 04:04AM by Emotional_Sandwich_4 https://ift.tt/3fa5G5N