I (28F) just got off a work call and overheard my bf (30M) jerking off while typing in the other room.

I know before we started dating he used to frequent cam sites. I don't care if he jerks off to porn, but it didn't cross my mind he could still be talking to or streaming women and we've been dating for over 2 years now.

I'm trying to process this. All I can process is how I am physically feeling, shortness of breath, my hands are shaking and even though he finished maybe 20 minutes ago I can't get a hold of myself. My stomach keeps doing a rollercoaster drop.

First off this isn't a deal breaker for me, we have a good relationship. I just don't know how to address this besides the obvious bullet points of identifying why I'm having such a strong reaction to this and whether or not/how I want to talk to him about it.

I know some subset of people would consider this cheating or lying by omission, and beyond my physical reactions right now I can't decide where I fall. I personally don't think masturbating to porn is cheating but clearly my reaction to this situation is something else. I never directly told him "I don't want you interacting with online sex workers while you masturbate", because it naively never occurred to me that he would be interested in still doing that.

Sure, I wasn't in the room and can't verify if he was in fact talking to someone else, but I'm positive I heard him jerking off and in sync with the sound of him hurriedly typing something. He wasn't responding to work emails.

While I'm typing this post and trying to externalize this, maybe 45 min have passed now and he just came out of the room to pee and gave me a kiss on the head. I couldn't even look at him, I just pretended to be distracted with work. I don't know how to talk about this at all. I don't know what I want out of a conversation about this either. If he is streaming and talking to other women in a live format, am I willing to be "persuaded" out of my gut reaction of panic and shelve this the same way as I view either us masturbating to a regular pornhub video?

For further background, he has complained that he wants us to have more sex. I would average we have sex 1-2x a week. I initiate probably 30% of the time. if he's unsatisfied with that and needs to masturbate I'm totally fine with that, but again I had not considered the possibility he would need to have a more "interactive" experience with other women. I can imagine how once you're used to that, watching regular videos is boring so my goal isn't to shame him or accuse him of destroying our relationship.

I just feel like I'm hitting some mental wall and I really would like to hear some other anonymous perspectives.

Have any of you run into this kind of situation? How did you resolve it?

tl;dr: My boyfriend used to visit a lot of cam sites before we started dating 2 years ago. i overheard my boyfriend typing while jerking off and now I'm panicking because I don't know how to address this with myself and with him.

Submitted July 24, 2020 at 01:10PM by throwaway0000000228 https://ift.tt/2D5NLz0