The other day me (F21) and my boyfriend (M28– been together for 1 year and a half) had a discussion about following porn subreddits. In November, I saw he had been following one pornstar specifically and that made me uncomfortable because to me it’s like singling someone out that he thought was perfect. It also didn’t help that she has the total opposite features as me. Anyway the other day, he said he would stop following them but while doing that I was able to see what he was following. The ones that really bother me are (sorry if they are wrong but you get what i mean) SnowWhites, FairestofThemAll, smoltiddygothgf, bois, and gonewild18.
It bothers me so much because the ones dedicated to white/pale girls and/or white girls with dark hair is something that i’ve always known he likes. While watching youtube, netflix, and once about a cashier, he used to make comments about any girl he thought was attractive and they always fit that description. I was with him and he thought that was okay to do. It really hurt with my self esteem because I just wanted to spend time with him and didn’t want to think about what he was thinking about the women we saw. It’s something that still affects me today because it made me feel like I wasn’t enough, especially since I don’t look even close to anyone he complimented. I’m Native American with brown skin, brown hair and brown eyes. Everyone else was white. I told him about how it hurts me and now he doesn’t do that but that doesn’t fix what it did to me. It hurts to see him follow 3 porn subreddits out of maybe 12 total dedicated just to that.
The bois one bothers me because again, it’s something that I know he likes and that I’m not close to ever being. I think this one would bother me less if it wasn’t for having some information that I have. The first 9 months of us dating (before we became “officially” boyfriend and girlfriend) he wasn’t over his ex. They were together for only 6 months but it took him about 2 years to get over her. She is the reason he got into a depressive state. 6 months though? that’s what drives me crazy is that it wasn’t long at all. It made me feel like he will always want her over me because I was right in front of him, dating him, and he couldn’t stop talking about her. He used to tell me all these things about her while we were together so I know that she has short hair and maybe fits the androgynous description. It hurts me to think that he still thinks about her or that because of her he likes it a little bit more.
Finally, gonewild18. My boyfriend and I met through a mutual friend so although I was only 19, I didn’t feel like it was creepy because I wasn’t someone he sought after. We just met. To know that he is someone who is turned on when girls are “barely 18” or as the subreddit says “between the ages of 18 and 20” really disturbs me. I guess I thought he was different. I’ve had a conversation so many times with him about how creepy it is for grown/older men to be into that and how much i don’t like that. I thought he agreed with me. It would be different if it was just gonewild but it’s not. It really makes me look at him differently.
I’m at a loss at what to do. My boyfriend following porn subreddits hurts me because we’ve had this conversation before but it’s not the full reason behind why i’m so upset. I’m upset because the types of porn he was looking for makes me feel like I’m not what he wants and like he’s someone who goes after young girls. I get that people have “types” but this brings me back to when we were dating and all I heard about were his types. All I got from him was how attractive other women were, how his (6 months) ex was perfect, also how someone he never even dated broke his heart. I just want to feel like I’m the only one for him and so much has happened to make me feel otherwise. I guess I just feel like this is the straw that broke the camels back. I forgave him but I look at him differently now. Am I overreacting about this? Do i have to break up with him? Is there anyway a healthy conversation can be had about this?
tldr: My boyfriend followed more porn subreddits after we had a conversation about how I didn’t like it. Those subreddits were ones dedicated to white girls, androgynous girls, and girls 18-19. I don’t fit in any of those categories and it has lowered my self esteem and made me look at him differently. Am I overreacting? How can I go about having another conversation about this without turning it into a fight?
Submitted February 02, 2020 at 03:30PM by RhondaMcDonda https://ift.tt/2OCdkuP
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