We've been together ~8 years and have a 6 year old.
I have always had an hourglass shape. I've always had quite a large chest as well as a large backside.
I've been 20 pounds overweight for the last 3 years. I work out regularly but I've recently begun a new routine involving strength training which I am excited about and I expect great results.
By default, I'm a pretty confident person. However, I really, really struggle with my self-esteem.
My partner says he loves me no matter what I look like. He has a running joke that he fell in love with my butt and it's the only reason he stays with me. He used to praise my body and definitely loved my butt.
But recently he has been open about not liking my breasts. I was changing clothes and while my shirt was off I saw him staring at me and finally, he said "I guess some people are into that" and I said what?! And he clarified that some men like big boobs but he just isn't one of them and that my boobs are ridiculous and he really prefers flat ones, like an A cup or B at most.
He never really complained before so I didn't put it together, but now I realize that he is barely attracted to me. I've been listening better and I hear him often lamenting how much he likes tiny butts now, too. He prefers small girls with athletic-type, lean bodies.
There are things I enjoy about sex that I've never been able to get my boyfriend to participate in, and when he has tried, he was so turned off that we had to just stop and not even have sex. All because of my boobs.
My stomach has stretch marks and a bit of sag.. the marks are very faded and the sag is always there because it is stretched out skin from my pregnancy. I actually don't feel self conscious about it at all and I feel like my stomach looks just fine.
But I just can't get over how my boyfriend makes me feel. I tell myself that there are men who love my body type and that if my boyfriend doesn't love it, someone else will... but my boyfriend doesn't want to split. He wants to stay with me. He just told me yesterday that he can't live without me.
But I can't live with feeling unattractive. I think our relationship just sucks. I honestly think the whole relationship is garbage and we are only together because of our child. I want to break up.
But my partner doesn't want me to be with anyone else. He talks about all the other types of women he would rather be with, but he INSISTS on us staying together.
I guess this is a rant about 2 issues; my lack of attractiveness and my wish to end my relationship. Any advice is probably helpful.
TL;DR My boyfriend doesn't like my body. I don't like my boyfriend.
Submitted April 01, 2019 at 09:25AM by ahohimnn https://ift.tt/2Uofzpo
2 comments:
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