Hey guys I'll try to make this as short as possible. I love my husband, we have so much in common, same sense of humour, we get along so well and have that very special connection that I've always dreamed of. I have never loved anyone as much as I love him. We share a very deep connection and this connection has kept me around when really, I would have left anyone else if they had pulled the shit he's pulled.
He's bipolar and has been unmedicated most of his life. Finally last year I was done with his untreated mental illness and the hell it put me through and I left to my mothers and started planning my life without him. He promised to get on meds, and he did, and it helped. He is on Seroquil 200mg. He is on a wait list to see a psychiatrist. He has also quit smoking pot, which was making him lazy and stupid. He used to have a bad alcohol problem but he has (MOSTLY) got that under control.
He's drank and drove randomly throughout our relationship. It is something I find disgusting, just a despicable thing to do, a selfish, idiotic, stupid thing to do. I am completely against drinking and driving.
I had told my husband that after the last time this happened (maybe 2 years ago?) that if this ever happened again, I was leaving. I even repeated this to him in the last few weeks, like, hey dude just reminding you there's no turning back if you do this, kinda thing.
Well... last week he was off work super early so he went into town (we live in the country) to pick up a few things. He called me a couple hours into this trip and was clearly slurring his words. I told him to pull over and stop driving, that I was going to figure out what to do (I was at work and 1.5 hours away). He denied it and said he was fine. He didn't answer me for awhile but when he finally did he was HAMMERED. He forgot that he had went to a store and bought stuff, he was like "Should I go pick up xx" and I was like wtf you went to get it already, ITS IN YOUR BACKSEAT!? I was terrified. I told him DO NOT DRIVE. Park the car and walk to the nearest restaurant and sober up while I figure out what to do. He hung up then texted me that he was just confused and he was fine. I again repeated DO NOT DRIVE OR I WILL CALL THE COPS ON YOU. He ignored me. I made an anonymous report of a car matching his description driving erratically in the approx area I knew him to be in, but they didn't find him. When he showed up at home he was clearly intoxicated. I had ran out and bought a BAC tester thing and it said he was at least at 0.08% BAC or higher, as thats as high as the test will go.
Now I've told him multiple times I was leaving if this happened. He did it. So I am making my plans to leave. He has not mentioned what happened at all... which is typical for him. He is going above and beyond to do things around the house and such, blah blah blah. Nothing makes up for what he did.
Him leaving leaves me in a clusterfuck, as we live on a farm and I'm going to have to figure everything out on my own now, probably having to pay for farmhand help as there is a lot I can't do (I have physical limitations). It has been nearly a week and he's said nothing. I'm waiting until I am 10000% sure to tell him its over. I know he will give me trouble and not want to leave. I can't leave the property as there are animals that require care and I would not trust him to care for them all without my guidance.
Is there anyway to save this marriage? I love him but I don't see how I can ever trust him. Yes, he has come a very long way from the absolute shitbag he used to be, but he is still so stupid and selfish that he will put other peoples lives at risk for what? To get drunk and drive around? What the actual eff.
We have done couples counselling but the counsellor was a whackadoodle and we stopped seeing her. I know my husband would go to therapy on his own if I asked him to but I do not believe he would be honest with the therapist.
TLDR: Husband drove drunk. I can't forgive his actions and can't trust him. I am planning on leaving. Is there any way our relationship could be salvageable? I love him and it'll kill me to leave him, but I can't trust him.
Submitted April 30, 2019 at 11:39AM by youfrigginkiddingme http://bit.ly/2ZNmqZh
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