I’m not really sure what I’m looking for here, but I feel conflicted and would like to get something that’s been bothering me off my chest.
Over the past 4 years, I feel like my dad’s wife is slowly developing an identity similar to mine. This probably sounds silly, but it’s really bothering me. For starters, here’s a few small things I’ve noticed: she’s growing her hair out and coloring it like mine (my hair has always been my most recognizable attribute) . She now wears glasses similar to mine (she never wore glasses before). If I paint my nails a certain bold color, she paints hers the same. I got my brows microbladed, then she did the same shortly after. I bought a car, she bought the same one shortly after. I’m not kidding when I say this, but her own family will often confuse the both of us if they are not looking directly at either of us. I’ve had people at my own wedding tell me that they accidentally confused her for me. I’ve had her parents come up to me and tell me they thought I was their own daughter from afar. It’s bizarre.
And the biggest thing to date, I own my own business that requires a very specific skill set. They came to visit for a few days and hung out with me while I worked. After I spent some time showing them the gist of it, my dad asked his wife “so do you want to start doing this now?” She was visibly uncomfortable with the question, but I know she has a huge interest in it - she’s told me many times she loves what I do and would love to do it too. My business is my passion and I’ve spent years cultivating the skills needed for it. It’s not something you just decide to do on a whim. It’s a unique trade and one that I’ve worked really hard to be successful in. Now she wants to do it too.
I just think it’s really weird. It’s as if she has no sense of identity and mirrors anyone she admires. Her own kids have told me that she will change her values and morals to reflect those of the men she dates. Her first husband was liberal and an atheist, so she was. Now she’s married to my dad, the ultra conservative religious guy. Now she’s ultra conservative and religious. I just don’t understand how someone doesn’t want to have their own identity, and it baffles me.
Overall, she’s a very sweet person but it’s gotten to the point where I resent her for not wanting to embrace her own individuality. I’m ok with people being inspired by others, but there is nothing I do that she won’t try to emulate. And honestly, I feel like her family dislikes me for the same reason. I’m not an extraordinary person, but I’d like to think I have some unique characteristics and she seems hellbent on adopting them. Something just isn’t right here and I feel like boundaries are being crossed.
Am I being a jerk? Overly sensitive? Should I just take this behavior as a compliment? I honestly feel like she’s infringing on my identity and I have no idea how to handle this. Or maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know. It just seems so weird to me and this was the only place I could get this off my chest. Thanks for listening!
TL;DR My dad’s wife is changing everything about herself to be more like me.
Submitted April 29, 2019 at 10:52PM by Katlesby http://bit.ly/2PFc6hx
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