My [31F] boyfriend [32M] seems to resent my spending money on us/myself while his kids don't have much, and I don't know how to respond.

My bf divorced his ex-wife last September. They have three kids together (2, 4, 7 yrs old). I also separated from my own longterm bf of five years around two years ago.

We started dating this January. He's pretty great -- smart, kind, thoughtful, etc. He just moved into my place last week. We're moving very quickly, but then things are excellent between us, except for this one issue: that I make more money than him and his ex-wife combined, and I spend it on us/myself while his kids sometimes go without certain things.

Don't get me wrong, his ex-wife and the kids are far from destitute. They eat three times a day, go to school, go to vacation at their grandparents' houses in the summer, etc etc. But the middle child has a mild learning disorder and they can't afford a therapist for him. The youngest got sick and had to go to a hospital for a week and they owe the hospital money, plus his ex-wife was complaining because she trusts branded more than generic medicines but they couldn't afford the former. The oldest had to leave his school and go to a different one, a bit lower-end compared to his old school, because the ex-wife lost her old job and is getting paid less at her new one.

Meanwhile my bf has never been a big earner (one of the reasons they separated, she always wanted him to make more). He loves what he does and it's honest, dignified work so I'd never ask him to give that up, and fortunately I have a nice job and make enough for both of us. (I just got promoted last year and this is the first time I've been so financially secure! It feels awesome.) I honestly don't mind paying the lion's share of the bills. He contributes what he can after giving to his children, and he's not very high maintenance. He's contented with simple, affordable stuff, from food to clothes to living quarters. Meanwhile, I try to be careful about saving but I also do enjoy spending money on going out, good food, my hobbies, etc. He's very supportive of my interests.

But when we decided to go on a vacation for a long weekend, I wanted to splurge on a good place, and he wanted to go somewhere simpler. I asked why and he said, "Maybe we could go to the cheaper place and the money we would have spent on the pricey resort, I can just use for some of my son's medical bills."

I was taken aback and just said, "oh, um, well let's think about it and put off the vacation for now." But since then he's dropped some other hints in that direction as well. Like when we eat at a nice restaurant, he'll say "Wow this meal would cover an entire therapy session for my son."

To be clear, he is NOT snarky or pushy about it. It just seems to be what he is really thinking. I haven't worked up the nerve to say it, but I honestly don't want to spend money on his kids. I see them on weekends when he has them and I enjoy their company, they're adorable and sweet, but it's not like they're starving or anything. I work hard and I want to spend my money to live my own life. I worry that I'm being selfish and shortsighted, which is also partly why I've not raised the issue with him yet.

Am I wrong? Is he? What middle ground can we find? How should I talk to him?

TLDR: On their own income, my bf and his ex-wife can't afford to give their kids everything they want to. I make more money than both combined and he's hinted that I might want to use some of the money I spend on our "extras" (restaurants, vacations, etc) to help pay for some of his kids' costs.

EDIT: Just to clarify I'm not rich or anything, and when I say "pricey resort or restaurant" I'm NOT talking Cabo and kobe steaks. He's in a human rights advocacy group, that's why he's paid so little, but the work they do is impressive. I work in a tech firm and just got promoted. His ex-wife is admin staff in a gov't office. They're not close, still some lingering bad blood, but generally amicable and they both love the kids. She lives about three hours away (moved there for her new job right around the time they separated).

Submitted April 27, 2019 at 07:11PM by callie_17 http://bit.ly/2LaWB2n