My wife left me on April 9. She came home from work early for the first time in months, said we needed to talk then said we love each other, we care for each other and we’ve never had a lack of affection, but that she’s unhappy and she’s leaving me. She packed a bag while I was trying to talk to her and she left.
We’ve been together for nearly 10 years. Nothing happened. We weren’t fighting, no skeletons in closets, she didn’t meet somebody else. We’ve both been digging in and trying to get through the grind lately but she did this completely out of the blue. She’s barely talked to me since. She never replies to me, only comes with prepared statements, says them (writes them) and ghosts again without actually talking to me.
All I can think is that last October her dad died and they were extremely close and it has been really hard on her. I’ve been trying to help as much as I can, I encouraged her to go to a therapist and tried to make her feel loved and comforted at home but instead she’s been throwing herself into work nonstop for probably 6 months at this point. I’m talking 6 am until 9 pm every day.
She’s not only pushing me out but she’s pushed anyone who asks about us away too. From what I’ve been able to gather from mutual friends she’s working even harder now, and destroying her reputation at work while she’s at it because she’s micromanaging everyone.
Since she left I’ve been asking her to go to couples therapy with me but she won’t. She refuses to even try and save the relationship. She said it’ll just hurt like this again when it happens next time, but I can’t convince her that there doesn’t have to be a next time. That no matter what we aren’t the same people we were before she left me and that if we try and work together we can grow from this and be stronger. She can’t see any of it and I’m afraid she’s completely ignoring what she’s doing by working so much she can’t think about anything else.
I hoped her mom could talk her down but she threw me under the bus the second she realized if she pushed back my wife would cut her out, despite the fact I took a lot of time off of work last year to help her after the funeral and after she had some surgeries. My wife’s best friend from work and another of her close friends messaged me separately and both said she’s not acting like herself but they can’t say anything to her or she’ll push them out too. It’s like everyone is just giving her room to self destruct.
I keep telling myself it’s going to be ok, she’s going to realize she doesn’t have to do this, but it’s been 20 days and I’m starting to lose hope. I don’t know what to do. I have my finances in order I know what I can and can’t do on my own, but I can’t leave because I’m not giving up on her but every day I wake up surrounded by the cold remains of “us” and it hurts so bad I can hardly breathe.
Tl;dr my wife is having a depressive episode (I think) and left me.
Submitted April 29, 2019 at 04:10AM by uneasypeasy http://bit.ly/2PClnH8
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