Together 5 years. Background: I was married early and had only had sex with my ex-husband prior to meeting Cory. He has been extremely sexually adventurous since mid-teens and has claimed to have slept with over 50 women (including threesomes and many one-night stands).
When we met, he said he no longer wanted that lifestyle and wanted to settle down. I was hesitant at first about sex, and we waited about 2 months to have sex. However, right away (and ongoing through our entire relationship) he has never seemed to be very interested in sex with me, nor has his libido been high at all. I accepted this, but also thought maybe after so much sexual adventure he found relationship sex rather dull. He denied this, but nothing ever improved. He also told me it's my fault because I made him wait 2 months to have sex and at my age that's just stupid and manipulative and by the time I was "ready" the spark had gone out for him. Fair enough, but why continue a relationship with me? He says it's because he loved me.
Through our relationship I've often found him seeking attention from other women online. This has happened on several occasions. Each time I get very upset and he denies it means anything and says he'll stop. He said it was a hard habit to break but I'm worth it.
Then I found out he was far too emotionally close with his co-manager at work, and I became livid. I didn't trust him anymore. Our sex life dwindled even more, and then last year I found out he was once again texting some other woman. Our sex life ground to a halt at that point (it was pretty infrequent anyway). It was only THEN that he started to seem interested in sex with me, but I didn't want sex with him because I was hurt, didn't trust him and wanted him to prove that I could trust him (which he did not). Instead, he started up an actual affair for 2 months with another woman (and lied to me a lot in order to carry this out) and I only found out because the woman contacted me.
Where we are now: I'm trying to sort out our life, which is very entangled and messy. I'm unsure what to do but I'm 90% sure I need to leave. He keeps telling me that he grew to resent me because I've always used "sex as a weapon". He says that I put too much importance on sex and that instead of just enjoying it, I use it as a means to control him. He says every time I get angry at him I cut him off from sex.
I guess this is true to a degree, but it's not to control him (in fact I've never felt he really cares much about sex with me anyway). It was more because I was hurt and didn't trust him. He says I drove him to another woman by refusing to sleep with him.
Does that sound accurate? I don't have a lot of "relationship" experience. I did not mean to do that and if I could go back in time I would change things. But moving forward (even if it's not with him), was I in the wrong?
tldr...I would refuse to sleep with my boyfriend when I was hurt and angry because I didn't trust him; he says this drove him to have sex with another woman because I wasn't looking after his needs. True?
Submitted April 27, 2019 at 06:39PM by chairive http://bit.ly/2UGKDgg
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