My (F20) mother (F50s) told me our relationship is always going to be broken, and now I have no idea what to do

So as a bit of a background, my mother and I's relationship has always been tenuous at best, especially from about 11 onwards. She has always been very strict, controlling, and has careened off the edge of emotional abuse for a long time.

I am almost certain that her behaviour potentially comes from her own mental issues, however that's unconfirmed.

When I was younger, the way she treated me really affected my perception of who I was as a person. I was incredibly insecure (still working on this), suffered from many anxieties; most of which I have overcome now, and generally was at a consistent level of high stress. Now that I've gotten older, I can see now that there is no use in fighting a war that can only be lost; and 9 times out of 10 if its a petty issue that doesn't bother me I completely let it slide.

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Recently however, we got into another disagreement and both parties were at fault. I forgot to tell her some information about me taking the family car and vice versa. Regardless, I decided to compromise in the situation as I realised that I was partly to blame, and told her so. However throughout our roughly 25/30 minute talk, all she goes on about is:

"You're too proud to admit that you're wrong" (Even though I did)
"All you're doing is blaming me"
"The entire reason for this happening, is that you forgot to tell me about your plans"

And the one thing that has caused me to completely stop talking to her was when she said "Our relationship is always going to be like this, so I don't even want to talk about it anymore".

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My parents are currently going through a divorce, and in the past I have made it very clear that I want to be here as a support for her, since I also know how much she has sacrificed for me throughout the time my parents were together. However, also having experienced this caustic behaviour throughout my teenage years and now into my adult life, I'm seriously considering whether it's something I should even bother doing anymore.

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I want to help her because I know what she has gone through and sacrificed.

But I also want to throw myself off a cliff at low tide over her exasperating behaviour since it keeps coming and going over time.

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Logically yes, I know that I can help her until a point where she has crossed a line with what I am personally willing to manage. But I can't seem to find a balance between helping and keeping my own sanity. And added on to that fact that now she apparently believes nothing about our relationship can be saved, should I even be bothering anymore?

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tl;dr: Highkey emotionally manipulative mother told me our relationship is essentially unfixable, not sure where to go from here and how much more of my time to throw at it before I throw myself away.

Submitted April 30, 2019 at 07:07AM by dappercorg http://bit.ly/2PD4PyM