tldr: Friend is flirty and touchy with me. I asked my friend out, she said yes. She has been having serious and legal roommate issues, so I said lets postpone date until the shitstorm blows over. She emphatically agreed. A few days later, she talks about other upcoming date/crushes on our groupchat. Does she not like me and was just being polite?
We've been in the same DnD online community for about 4-5 months now. Well, we would talk and flirt online for a while. I do like her and have a crush on her, but as I flirted, I flirt with most of my friends playfully, I had no idea that she wasn't straight, so I never thought it would go anywhere. after talking all this time, we only realized that we lived pretty close to each other only recently, and so a few days ago we met up in person since she was only a half hour drive from Columbus, OH (where I'm from). She was flirting with me hardcore and confessed that she thought she has already told me she wasn't straight and she genuinely was interested in me. Great. We hung out with part of our DnD group (a couple of them also live near us, within 2 hours drive), did nerd stuff and just all hung out together, and for parts of it, we spent a little alone time together. There was hand-holding, touching, kissing, etc, most of which she initiated because I'm kindof shy.
After hanging out, since I figured we vibed well and we seemed to both be interested in each other, I texted her to invite her on a date to which she accepted even going as far to say, "I was wondering when you'd ask me." That must mean that she likes me, right? We agreed to discuss the logistics of our date in a couple of days since I had some upcoming appointments/deadlines this week that I had to sort out first. Nevertheless, we still chatted on and off during these days and while she's talking, she shares that she has been having some issues at school (obnoxious roommate making allegations that will result in lawyers, legal actions, etc.). In light of this, I console her and assure her that it will all turn out okay. Considering this day that we spoke was the day we agreed to take care of our date's logistics, I told her to not worry about it at the moment and we can post-pone it until the issues she's having with her roommate simmer down if that's something she would prefer. She seemed grateful at the suggestion, so I thought that I had made the right call.
We're friends/acquaintances, so we still talked, both in private messaging and in our DnD group chat. While yes I like her and I'm trying to be thoughtful, I don't think she owes me anything for just giving her time and space to process and deal with whatever is going on with her roommate. Furthermore, I know it doesn't mean we have any promise of exclusiveness, or commitment just because we like each other. However, even though she was "grateful" that we post-poned our date, she's talking in our DnD group chat about having a date this weekend. The group chat is a chat that I own so obviously I'm going to see it, second, everyone in the chat is a good friend of mine and they all know how I feel about her. Thirdly, she's constantly writing about how she likes me in the group chat.
So even if she has every right to date around and not be exclusive, is it weird, clingy, gross, or possessive of me to be upset that she felt the need to share that with me and my friends? If she's dating other people especially while knowing how I feel about her, I just don't see why she feels the need to tell me that? Is it her subtly telling me she isn't interested in me? Should I have not suggested we postpone our date after her legal issues blow over? Personally, I'm also dating other people because we don't have anything exclusive or some established relationship, but I don't think that it's something I need to share with her, right? Or is she doing the right thing by being open about who she's dating, and I'm the one in the wrong for thinking that it's something I should keep to myself? Since we haven't even gone on an actual date I didn't think that was something I should tell her, plus I thought that saying something would be disrespectful and seem like I was purposely trying to stir feelings of jealousy.
I'm babbling now, I just don't know how to feel, and I can't tell if this was all in my head or if she really does like me and I'm overthinking it? When someone flirts with you, kisses you, touches you, and constantly says they like you in front of others and in private, that means they like you, right? But if they mention their other romantic interests and dates, not necessarily to you in a place where you're guaranteed to know about it, (i.e. the groupchat I own), then does that mean they don't like you and they're trying to get you to back off? I'm so confused, please help.
Should I just let it go and stop trying to pursue anything? Should I talk to her or would that seem clingy and jealous? I figured that since I asked her out already, the ball is in her court, so if she doesn't do anything about it, maybe she isn't interested?
Submitted April 29, 2019 at 06:33AM by relativelyinsanee http://bit.ly/2vpFkaQ
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