My boyfriend and I have been dating since high school, for about five years now. He graduated from college last May and I’m about to graduate myself. We moved in together after he graduated and got a full time job.
We’ve always had different hobbies with a small amount of overlap. He’s into woodworking and gardening—and I love appreciating the fruits of his labor with him (sometimes literally, because of the gardening). I’m into nerdy things and working out, and he thinks it’s cute when our dog thinks I’m playing while I’m doing push-ups and likes to ask me for random facts when we’re watching something that’s mainstream nerdy like LotR or Star Wars or a Superhero movie.
Living together has been fantastic. I get me time when I go to the comic store on Wednesdays, when I go to comic cons, when I meet weekly with my d&d group, etc
A couple months ago though, my boyfriend got sick and had to stay home from work. I had work and class and couldn’t stay home to dote on him all day, but he asked if he could borrow one of my nerdy books and I had him text me a list of stuff he wanted me to pick up for him and what kind of soup he wanted me to make him for dinner so I could get the ingredients. I grabbed the Thrawn trilogy for him, and by the end of the week he’d finished it and was hooked. Suddenly he’s engrossing himself in the Star Wars universe, and at first I was really excited. I leant him my books, answered his questions, helped him locate planets in the Atlas. He even started reading the Star Wars comics I have laying around.
The excitement I initially had at introducing him to all this is quickly waning away. Suddenly he’s going with me to the comic store. He’s asking when the next con I’m going to is and saying we should cosplay as Siri Tachi and Obi-Wan since we kind of look like them. He offered to fill the empty slot in our d&d group when he met our dm at my favorite game store, and of course he said yes because we need another player and he assumed I’d be excited about it.
I tried telling my boyfriend I need more time to myself, and at first he said that it was upsetting that I don’t want to spend more time with him, but when I explained more he seemed fine with it. Even after that though he’s still not ever leaving me alone. I love him and I understand what it’s like to be new to all of this and excited about everything there is to absorb and experience, but I need to have my own things.
How can I get him to take this seriously? How can I get my me time back? I feel like even though I’ve told him he still isn’t taking the fact that I’m upset very seriously.
Tl;dr: my boyfriend of 5 years is just now getting into all my hobbies and I no longer have anything for myself. He doesn’t seem to understand that I enjoy having my own hobbies outside of what I share with him.
Edit for clarification: the problem isn’t that we share a hobby. I was excited when he started getting into it and I’m still happy to teach him and help him get into it and share it with him and all that. The problem is that he’s now tagging along with me at everything even though I’ve already told him I need alone time. Every time I go to the store he’s coming with. He’s joining my d&d group. He’s trying to do couples cosplay with me when he doesn’t know how to sew. He has his hobbies but they’re all in house things. He likes to garden on the balcony and keep the sliding door open and chat with me. Stuff like that. Him tagging along for all of this means I no longer have any time to myself, and he doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem or take it seriously even though I told him it was.
Submitted April 29, 2019 at 04:03AM by bitwherrrrre http://bit.ly/2PDht0t
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