I (22F) am highly upset that my fiancé (36M) is scheduled to get a vasectomy even though he is open to having kids via IVF or artificial insemination. Why am I so upset even though the end result is the same ??

I would like to preface by saying my ex-fiancé (now boyfriend again) and I were broken up for 9 months, and during that time I saw many therapists and advice from friends (which clearly aren’t licensed therapists) in regards to our relationship. It’s been determined that none of our relationship was abusive, and though I should always tread with caution, the relationship was otherwise healthy. I am more than open to more comments about the age gap because I’m always open to hearing different perspectives, and appreciate the care.

My ex-fiancé-now-boyfriend were broken up for 9 months. Recently we began to hang out again and, quite naturally, are back together. Last night, he told me he had scheduled a vasectomy for September. I don’t understand why this was such a blow, I immediately was upset and can’t understand why.

He explained that he’d been single and since we were no longer together, he didn’t desire children. It was always my desire to have kids and he was fine, but it makes sense that since we weren’t together he would want to do this.

I told him that I support his decision (I really do) but don’t know if I could tolerate it. I have a reproductive disorder that will probably render me unable to have children within a few years, and IVF or adoption would be considered at that point, but some weird part of me wants to do it naturally. He mentioned that we could freeze his sperm, and do it artificially, which makes total sense but I just…can’t?

I think it’s purely instinctual on my end to want him to, yenno, put the baby in me while we still can. We came to an agreement that we’ll assess our relationship by September and if it seems healthy and is working out, he will cancel the appointment and we’ll try for a kid in a couple of years.

I am a huge advocate for reproductive autonomy and feel very torn/guilty about reacting so emotionally to this. Any clue on why the thought of his getting a vasectomy when we could still medically induce pregnancy is upsetting to me? Perhaps more advice from women who have felt the same, if any?

TL;DR: my partner is planning a vasectomy but open to IVF and artificial insemination with his own sperm. This is very heartbreaking and upsetting to me but I don’t understand why.

Submitted August 03, 2021 at 11:01PM by gentle_but_strong https://ift.tt/3jnClIE