How do I [26F] deal with the emotional hurt from being asked to step back from spending time with my boyfriend's daughter [7F]?

So my boyfriend [26M] and I have been together for 3 years now. We decided to move in together 2 years ago and our relationship has gotten much more serious so I am now more of a part of his daughter's life. I have really grown to love my relationship with this little girl and I feel really, really empty and sad being asked to not do as many things with her and I'm not too sure how to deal with the sadness that request has brought on to me.

I don't feel right calling myself her step mom yet because I would rather wait until she wants to call me that (or if she never does I'm okay with that, too!) So I'm just Jillian to her. I think she really likes me which I'm really thrilled about because these last few years we have really bonded. I used to be a professional ballet dancer and she loves ballet so that's kind of our thing together. We watch a lot of the barbie ballet movies together and before covid I took her to my favourite ballet at the theatre (the nutcracker) which I think is a very special memory for her. It is for me. I also made her a gown out of my old nutcracker costume that I got to keep when I left the last principal ballet I danced in. She knows it's a dress made from the "REAL NUTCRACKER!!!" so she adores it which is so flipping cute! She LOVES playing ballet with me and wants to start lessons which I'm so excited for.

Anyway, now that you have some background on us. At school yesterday they were asked to draw a special memory with their parents. She drew us at the ballet and wrote a little sentence about how it was the special day she wanted to write about. She titled it "Jillian and Me" and was really stoked to hang it on her mom's fridge apparently. Which her mom really took offense to.

My boyfriend told me that her mom wasn't too happy about that and wanted to know why their daughter would write about me on the day they were supposed to draw a memory with their parents. My boyfriend asked me to take a step back from doing things with Katie so I will because I respect their parenting. But I feel pretty devastated. I have really grown to love this little girl and the role that I have in her life. I make her lunches on the days she's with us and my boyfriend asked me not to include my little note to her anymore.

Edit to add: my boyfriend is VERY touchy about keeping things smooth with her mom. They had a very tough custody battle and he almost got reduced to seeing her once a week so he really tries to keep mom happy to avoid going back to court. He had a brief stint of unemployment when he was laid off last year, and the mom accused him of not being able to provide. The court did NOT like that he had been laid off, even though his savings carried him just fine until he got a new job plus I work full time so our household was literally unaffected. They still saw the layoff as a huge threat the stability. So he is really touchy about keeping things calm now which is why I didn't push the issue. (The whole thing was so frustrating because even tho he was laid off, it took him less than a month to get a new job and it literally didn't change our routine apart from him being home for awhile so we got a lot of homemade lunches lol. He's a construction worker and saves well so 3 weeks with no work was basically like him taking a vacation. But again the courts didn't see it that way.)

I'm worried she will think I stopped wanting to do things with her or will wonder why my notes stopped and I feel so sad that anything I've been doing has been taken as a threat to her Moms parenting because it was never my intention. I just don't know how to deal with the hurt honestly. Advice?

TL;DR advice for dealing with the hurt that came from being asked to be less involved with my boyfriend's daughter?

Submitted April 07, 2021 at 10:37AM by fjja78 https://ift.tt/31RQyVX