TL;DR my bf’s friend recently confessed their love of him, and now Christmas party season is exasperating this weird triangle. Should I talk to the third party directly or leave it to my bf to address?
My bf and I have been dating for 6 months. We took it slow and steady and we feel like a strong team now and pretty stable. Enter the wrench: his friend (friends before we knew eachother) opened up to him that it was hard for her to see us together because she had feelings for him. He told me and we’ve talked about it, he reassured me that he wasn’t interested in her and was committed to me. This was right before the holidays started...she was throwing a Christmas party and made a point of inviting me. I didn’t feel comfortable going and he went on his own. I made plans to throw a Christmas brunch with my friends and him- and without talking to me about it he has planned a Christmas dinner with his friends the same day-inviting her as well. Still not feeling comfortable, I told him I wouldn’t go to the dinner... Christmas Day, he hosted a brunch at his place and doesn’t invite her- but raises this point as an example of his good faith. On my end, I didn’t realize that she was such a big part of his life that he would be considering inviting her to his house on Christmas day- let alone even after this reveal that complicates the relationships at play...
Cut to today, we talk about it a bit more and I mentioned that a (naive to the situation) mutual friend of all of us asked if she could be invited to my place for the brunch and I say no due to COVID limits (that was a convient cover). After some talking about this with my bf, he tells me that her, him and this mutual friend were planning on having game nights together that he didn’t tell me about because of how uncomfortable I was about her Christmas party. He tells me the mutual friend will likely bring it up which is why he is telling me now...
I thought I could trust him and was just worried that I didn’t know her or her motives in telling him about her feelings for him...but now I’m starting to doubt a lot more things going on here....... I don’t want to spiral out here so I’m looking for perspectives!
I asked him to make clearer/firmer boundaries with her, but now I’m thinking I should just talk with her about it directly... Is there a way to talk with a friend of your bfs about this kind of thing without sounding like a possessive, jealous control- freak? Or should I not get directly involved?
Submitted December 25, 2020 at 04:16PM by ulluriaq https://ift.tt/2KEWjkL
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