My boyfriend [M20] and I [F20] have been together for three years and nine months. Due to some family issues at home, back in May, my family graciously allowed him to move in with us and figure out his career path since he was very uncertain after dropping out of college a year prior. My family told him that he could live with us and not have to pay for rent, food, or anything. He just had to follow through with his commitment to the trade he chose.
When he first got here in May, things were going well and my parents were doing everything to support him. They would talk to him about what trade he was looking to pursue and helped him with the application process. I took it as they were trying to keep him accountable. He sometimes took it as them continuously bothering him. I explained to him that all they want to do is help him and they just want to ensure that he is able to take the steps to get into that trade school.
As the months went on, he oftentimes complained about my family, specifically my mom, and the way that they do things. I never perceived it as an issue and that could be because I’ve lived with them my whole life so I know how they work. When he said these things about my family, I never really knew what to say. I would always just get quiet because that’s not what I want to hear. My mom tries to be involved and I could agree that sometimes it is too much, but that doesn’t make her a bad person. It just shows that she cares. There have been times where he mimics my moms voice and it hurts me. There were little things like putting the toilet seat down, making his bed every morning, and cleaning his room that he was often annoyed with. He oftentimes gets annoyed with the little things. I feel like it’s not a lot to ask of him considering we are allowing him to live with us without paying anything. He also feels very uncomfortable around my family and I feel bad about that. However, I also feel like I shouldn’t feel bad because it’s not my fault. Sometimes I feel that he comes off as ungrateful and I don’t exactly know how to explain that to him without seeming rude. This could be a flaw of mine because I have a hard time telling people how their actions come off, especially when they are negative. I don’t like hurting peoples feelings, especially his because he tends to take things very personally. It ends up making me feel bad for saying things even if that wasn’t his intention.
I could tell that my boyfriend oftentimes misses home so we started buying him plane tickets to see his family every so often since their relationship has improved. He took this as my parents not wanting him around and that’s not the case. My dad just thought that he would appreciate going home every so often for a change of scenery since he doesn’t seem happy here. When October came around, he seemed miserable at my house. He oftentimes expressed this but he couldn’t leave because he made a commitment to finish his trade. I’m very proud of him for committing to this. There was one time where he said “living with your parents suppresses my manhood.” I don’t really know what to make of this.
He oftentimes complains or gets upset that we don’t get enough privacy to be intimate. While this is an inconvenience, I feel like sex isn’t the only way to be intimate. He went as far to say “You don't understand how much it means to me. Especially when I have to endure being here. Because we have sex so far and few between I don't know when the next time will be. It’s getting harder and harder to be here.” I understand that being intimate is important to him but I took this as a way of him saying I should compensate his “bad” time being here for sex. I told him this and he said that he never meant for it to seem like that and that he wouldn’t ask about sex again which I believe was kind of an exaggeration. I oftentimes get over things quickly and I think that is where I go wrong sometimes. I’m afraid to hurt his feelings because I don’t think he has any intent on being manipulative. Some of my friends believe he is being manipulative with the things he says. I feel like any time that we have together is meaningful since I moved a few years ago so we have been doing long distance since then. I also believe there are other ways to be intimate without having sex.
I do love him. He complains quite a bit about things that can’t really change, little things that he has to do, or things that are out of his control. It can be really hard to be around him when he complains about every little thing. I’m not really sure what I’m looking for by posting this. I guess I just wanted some opinions on the situation. I don’t know how to make him feel more comfortable at my house. His program ends in April so he will most likely move back home then.
Thank you.
TL;DR; Boyfriend moved in with my family, feels unwelcome, complains and gets upset over little things, unsure how to approach these issues
Submitted December 30, 2020 at 01:29PM by DayNo4700 https://ift.tt/2WWtzXb
No comments:
Post a Comment