I (29M) left my ex-partner(28FtM) of 5 years after they came out as trans and now they and their friends are spreading lies about me being transphobic.

Some foreword: I am not transphobic, or prejudice of any kind, this is just a weird situation for me, I find it difficult to navigate and talk about.

I was in a relationship for 5 years with a woman, I'm a man, the woman in the situation is now a trans man.

When we first got together, neither of us were in the best spot in life, together we really made things a lot better for each other, I've never been with anyone I felt so comfortable with and vice versa. We didn't really have any issues until the last few months.

They reflected a lot during quarantine and found they were more comfortable using them/they pronouns. I didn't have any issue with this as it didn't really change anything aside from them wearing looser clothes more often, which I only noticed because they pointed it out to me.

We never really had any issues around any of this, things were pretty much exactly the same, they made some friends in the LGBT community and they were my friends too pretty soon.

After a while of that, they decided they wanted to be a man, and started acting and doing things very differently to achieve that. I really did try to keep going but things were just too different for me. I'm a straight guy, I was in love with them so I really tried to make it work like they wanted but the person they've become is a completely different person, and not someone I'm in love with.

I asked to talk to them and told them that I could no longer be with them as I was not attracted to them physically or emotionally any more. They asked why I was suddenly transphobic and I explained that I'm not. I can't be with them as I just feel uncomfortable with the way they act towards me. They kept wanting to have their arm around me in that classic dude with his arm around a girl way, has been drinking loads so always smells of beer, they speak differently too and just seem really grumpy and a bit possessive of me. They have basically become a very stereotypical guy and make me uncomfortable because I just feel like our interactions and relationship dynamic in general have changed so much.

They begged me not to leave, and said they only came out this way because they knew I'd support them and they wouldn't have been able to otherwise. I sympathise, I really do, and they helped me through a lot of stuff previously. I apologised all I could but transitioning is surely for the individual person themselves, not for those around them? I honestly am happy for anyone to be able to live their true life, but for me I feel like I lost someone, and the person they became is too different to fill the gap for me, and just makes it worse. If I stayed I would be miserable and it wouldn't be fair on either of us. They seemed to understand and we both cried a lot, then I started the process of moving out.

We were on OK terms, but breaking up honestly changed a lot and it finally felt like we were both moving forward. We were both able to focus on ourselves. They were/are fine as they had their friends to support them, I've been doing pretty well too, until recently.

I got messages from their friends berating me for leaving my ex and calling me a transphobe etc. I went to message my ex about it and they blocked me. I made another profile and went to theirs, they'd written loads of posts about me being transphobic and stuff like that, none of it true. I messaged them but no reply, their friends even messaged my friends and family saying stuff about me.

I don't know what to do now, I'm not transphobic at all, and I don't know how to deal with everything being said about me, I thought I was clear to my ex about why I was leaving, and it wasn't transphobia.

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TL;DR: I'm a straight man, my ex came out as trans FtM, I don't have a problem with that but I couldn't love the person they've become. Broke up on OK terms, but now they're spreading lies about me on social media, and their friends are messaging me, my friends and my family about it too.

What do I do? How do I respond to these messages? How can I clear my name? I've never been transphobic and never will be.

Submitted December 28, 2020 at 12:13PM by ReluctantLadder https://ift.tt/2KZlJcz