My(26f) husband(30m) finally told me the reason for our marriage’s spark beginning to fade is connected to my weight gain.

We have been together for 5 years and married for 1.

We have had a few ups and downs but I know this is the man I want to spend my life with. That’s why we got married. And he’s always held very true to the same. I have no doubts that he is committed to me and loyal.

But over the past few months it has felt like our spark is starting to die. It’s caused arguments here and there and the path to deadbedrooms, and I’ve always had a feeling it was connecting to my weight but he always denied it. I have never been skinny skinny but I have gained 30lbs since I’ve been with him. He’s a bigger guy himself and requires a lot of food due to his activity level. He’s not obese and very strong, but has a beer gut as well.

I finally sat him down tonight for one of those talks where something’s gotta give. I had to draggggggg it out of him, but he said that (paraphrased) he doesn’t look at me and get turned on anymore and he felt like he couldn’t say that in a marriage without it ruining the marriage. Atleast now I know why things have progressively been getting less and less intimidate and our spark has been suffering.

He also mentioned that he doesn’t feel like marriages keep a spark the whole time. Eventually it fades and that’s fine with him. He loves spending time with me and wants to be together. He still loves me. But it’s hard to feel like he’s “in love” with me because his actions tend to be emotionally independent and not so worried about my emotions or what’s going on. There’s a distancing forming and for me, I don’t want to just be like “oh well the spark is gone” I want to fight for it and be in love.

I know I’ve put on weight. Trust me. I’m self conscious about it but I think I’ve got health issues associated with why I can’t lose it. For 6 months at one point I ate well, worked out with guides and the help of a trainer. I only budged about 5-8lbs the entire time. I’ve had to change birth control once before due to its effect on me mentally, so I wonder if the replacement birth control has affected me with weight gain. I’ve chatted lightly with my OBGYN about it but then COVID hit when I was suppose to get my slew of tests done. The doctors office has yet to follow up. But being as we plan to come off birth control soon I was kinda just in a limbo place? Actively making sure I’m not gaining but I haven’t seen any progress losing either.

After tonight I really just don’t know what to feel. Like I knew that’s how he felt but to hear it ... without much compassion of worried about hurting my feelings kinda shocked me. I know he felt bad to say it, but there wasn’t much consoling either. Which I guess is part of the whole thing right? Idk. I’m not leaving him over this, he has a right to feel this way and not be invalidated, but I don’t even know how to feel. Has anyone been here with their spouse and were they able to rekindle the marriage?

TLDR- husband is not as attracted due to my weight gain, marriage is feeling the side effects, not sure how to think or feel right now. Similar stories/advice welcome.

Submitted December 26, 2020 at 05:22PM by TA_turbulence https://ift.tt/3pElt1V