I (37F) went snooping(so wrong, I know!) in my partner’s(38F) Facebook and found him flirting in messenger...but the flirting was 10 months ago

I have lived with my boyfriend officially since August but started the process slowly beginning in March/April. We’ve been together for two years and he is really an amazing partner.

I never go through his phone and generally don’t snoop through stuff. But i was on the shared computer and his Facebook was open. I flipped through his messages and almost all of them were boring and I was annoyed at myself for even looking. But then I noticed two were muted. He flirted with these women, indicating his relationship with his girlfriend wasn’t that serious(we already had bought the house and were planning on moving in!). These women reached out to him asking if he was dating anyone...he said yes. They said too bad. he made comments about how his damn girlfriend always gets in the way. This was ten months ago before we did move in though.

There’s no indication it went further than this or communication went on longer than through May.

I brought it up to him. Apologized for snooping but told him I’m really hurt. That I don’t want to be with someone who feels I’m getting in the way of other prospects. I’d rather be alone than with someone who feels they’re settling for me. He then apologized profusely. He’s worried sick I’m going to leave the relationship now. I go from being mad at myself for snooping to mad at him. He insists that he was enjoying the outside validation but the relationship with ME is what he really wants. There is no indication this flirtation has been on going and he tells me it hasn’t. That he was struggling with moving in together but ultimately he explored it thoroughly and this, here, with me is what he wants. He says he’s in a different place now than he was ten months ago. Which I think is fair.

So now, I’m stuck here. I’m not sure i would have moved in had I have known? Doesn’t matter now because we are trying to blend our family and honestly it’s going very well. (We both have children and the children just love each other. A break up would devastate them too)

I really do love this man. He really is amazing to me too. Do I just suck it up and move on because I was the one who went snooping? I’m trying to just be hurt and let it go. He’s giving me lots of space to be hurt by it and is very remorseful. But I worry this is a red flag. Or is it just a hiccup?

TL;DR: I snooped in my boyfriend’s messages and found old flirtations with other women, but we were(and are) exclusive. Not sure how to be hurt or not be hurt.

Submitted December 28, 2020 at 09:32AM by allwhowander1144 https://ift.tt/3mZvy7A