when I was 11, I instilled the importance of remembering my family members birthdays. I forgot my mother’s and she cried about me not even writing her or card. I felt horrible. throughout the years I have spent many birthdays alone. I have a very tumultuous relationship with my parents. I used to rely on them to get everywhere and if I upset my mother, she wouldn’t take me to celebrate my birthday or “birthday plans” she had, she backed out on.
after this I stopped spending all holidays with family and instead with friends. this year I had plans but my mom asked me to stay home. against my better judgment, I did. neither of my parents wished me happy birthday. I woke up alone. they both got home around 5 after work. My dad came home, said hi, talked shit about my mom, went to his room and that was that.
My mom came home with dinner. The person got the order wrong which tanked her mood. I always tell my parents I don’t want anything for my birthday but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to feel like it’s my birthday. I got my mom AirPods for Christmas. What did she get me? Not even a card. I expressed to her all of the love and support that I was receiving today from friends. How I handled a situation today that made me really proud. And it just felt like she was in the mood to argue? But very passively.
She fell asleep around 7:30, woke up and went to bed. I feel...SO damn lonely. And Ive spent MONTHS quarantined alone and never felt like this. It makes me feel like I’ve felt on every birthday in the past. I don’t know why. I had a great day despite spending my birthday alone. My friends showered me with love. But the realization that neither of my parents is going to wish me a happy birthday is leaving a gaping ache and hole in my chest.
I just feel so sad when I’m with my parents
TLDR: mom asked me to stay home last week for my birthday because she hasn’t celebrated it with me since I was younger. Neither of my parents wished me a happy birthday.
Submitted December 30, 2020 at 05:45PM by erpmason https://ift.tt/2L2Rkdr
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