(I am on mobile please forgive formatting)
My partner and I have been living together for about 2 years. We have a two year old and a 3 month old. We routinely go on each others phone to search things up when we can find our own, use the flashlight etc. We always done it and our phones have pretty much become interchangeable. On christmas eve after he fell asleep I couldn’t find my phone and wanted to look up a shortbread recipe. I used his and was horrified to find very disturbing, violent and honestly quite scary porn videos and images. There were at least 20 different pages open.
I immediately asked him about it and he insisted he had no idea. Eventually he admitted that yes, he had searched for these images and had been doing it the entire time we’ve been together. He said he doesn’t even use them to masturbate to usually, he just feels urges to look at these types of pornographic images throughout the day. When he goes to bathroom, in the shower, when he’s in a different room, while I’m sleeping etc. He has of course masturbated to them and admitted many nights he actually slept on the couch without me noticing because he’d fallen asleep afterwards and he gets up at 4am for work so I didn’t even notice.
He admitted he’d go to sleep at 8-9pm knowing he’d wake up again around midnight and have an opportunity to look at the images. I feel very uneasy and sick because the images/videos were vile and I’m honestly almost scared to have him around my children. I feel like i’ve lived with a stranger these years and that he isn’t really the person I knew at all. He admitted that it is definitely a problem/addiction and I see some correlation to childhood traumas he’s experienced.
I just don’t know what to do. I’m currently staying in a hotel and am unsure if this separation is permanent. What would you do? Would you stay or leave? I realize this is an addiction like any other and feel compelled to support him through his recovery because I do almost feel bad for him but it also makes me physically ill to even talk to him. I’m conflicted. I love him so much and miss him intensely but then again I am disgusted by this side of him and feel like the person I fell in love with is not who is now.
TL;DR - My partner and father of my children has an addiction to graphic, violent and disturbing pornography and I am unsure as to whether I should stay or go.
Edit: I’m sure everyone is just assuming I am a prude who doesn’t know what fetishes are and is divorcing my husband over finding some BDSM content or something.. I have some unique fetishes and kinks myself. BDSM is not graphic or disturbing.. it could be considered violent but hardly. This is gore, blood, severe beating, women screaming for their lives.. SCARY stuff.
Submitted December 28, 2020 at 10:01PM by anyay45 https://ift.tt/3n4AqIV
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