My BF (27) mocked my (22F) cultural background over Christmas and told me I should be ashamed of my "embarrassing car" and "ugly clothes"

Just a little bit of a background about who we are: he is a well-educated, well-off, white guy from a very conservative Christian background. While my family is non-religious, Persian, and very recent immigrants to the US. My family is pretty well established now, even though we are still getting our life together in this new nation. Both my parents are very educated and contributed a lot to the world. I recently graduated from one of the best universities in the US (top student too) and heading to law school soon.

We have been dating for a year and a half now. For the most part, our relationship has been uneventful and drama free. However, we began fighting in July over the fact that he didn’t like the birthday present I gave him. It turned out to a bigger fight when his mom met me for the first time and made many comments about how I’m not “American enough”, and my goals and ambitions do not align with “being a mother and a wife”. He dumped me on my in mid-August and moved back to his hometown. Then, after a couple of weeks, he reached back again and tried to get us back together. He apologized for everything that happened telling me how much he values our relationship, and put all the effort to fix our relationship and move forward. We worked on our problems and the process made us closer, even though we were physically distant. He visited me once in October and it was very intimate and good. In the last month or so, we have been talking about the possibility of him coming and talking to my dad officially and making arrangements for engagements. We were even looking at rings and such. I also had a couple of successful calls and interactions with his mom, and also sent her really beautiful gifts that she loved a lot.

A couple of nights ago, I told him that I am going to be hanging out with one of my girlfriends on Christmas. He texted me saying that he is “disappointed” that my family “is not Christian or American enough” to celebrate Christmas and that it “doesn’t feel great” to him. I told him that indeed my parents are not Christians and it’s not a thing in our culture to celebrate Christmas. I told him if he is upset about what my family is and is not, then make up his mind before it’s too late coz that’s what it is. He kept saying that it matters if we want to have children and how he is not really interested in my culture. I reminded him there is no such thing as “American culture” in terms of what he says it is. This place is a melting pot of people from everywhere doing many things. And the reason this nation is so amazing is because of people like my family coming here from across the world and building it so he has to have some respect. Also, I am the most American person in the world, like I speak English better than anyone, I have done so many things for this country that many native-born people haven’t.

The tension escalated, I pointed out that his knowledge about my culture would help our relationship moving forward and he would not make classic mistakes in my house. Such as, not saying hi to my parents when he walks in and dressing down in our family gatherings such as my graduation party (he wore flip flops, shorts, and a t-shirt to my fancy graduation party with all of our friends present). Then, he flipped…he said that he could also complain about my “embarrassing car” and “ugly clothes”. He even said that maids in Beverly Hills drive nicer cars than I do…Obviously, the fight kept getting worst and shots were fires till he said that he thinks I’m only with him because of his wealth. I lost it and told him that’s it and blocked him. Again, even though he is wealthy, he never bought me any nice gifts or anything like other bfs do for their women. I had struggled financially through college, but I made enough money by working multiple jobs to afford a very nice brand new 2019 blue KIA with leather seats, which is not embarrassing at all (lol I really love my car). AND, WTH, he picks and chooses my clothes and tells me what to buy…so IDK why he even said that.

The next day, he sent me an email thanking me for my very nice Christmas gift (apparently he received it after our fight) and apologizing for him acting immaturely, and goading me. He thanked me for being such an amazing companion and gave some examples of moments he really loved about our relationship. Again, I am still unclear what was the point of his email. I called him to officially end it, he didn’t answer so I left a breakup voicemail.

Now, I’m just sitting here and I can’t really digest what happened. So, I would appreciate someone tells me from another POV maybe I can have some perspective over this matter.

Tl;dr: I had a fight with my bf about Christmas and he mocked my culture, car, and financial status, telling me I date him for money. He sent an email apologizing but unclear whether or not he really meant it. I broke it off but I am confused.

EDIT: we are long distance so we couldn’t be together on Christmas due to pandemic travel restrictions.

Submitted December 26, 2020 at 09:03PM by taikatalvii https://ift.tt/2WJXm5g