I (F21) have started to hate my best friend (F22). I hate myself for ignoring her and am not sure how to help the friendship.

I’m not sure where to start but I (F21) hate my best friend (F22) and hate myself for it. We have been close friends for 4 years now and used to exchange long threads of messages everyday about our lives. Now, reacting to a meme she may have sent fills me with dread, I feel exhausted speaking to her in a group setting and have an urge to sever ties with her forever. Ultimately, I don’t want to lose her as a friend, we have always been a bit of a dynamic duo and I genuinely know that in the long run I would miss her.

Some context as to why I had been ignoring her probably stems from last year. Her and her ex broke up and it was a very drawn out experience for all of us. I was really there for her and provided a lot of counselling and unconditional support in her decisions when breaking up and getting back together even if I didn’t necessarily agree. This period lasted for months, sometimes it ruined certain nights out. I never really minded because I understood why she was upset.

Around the same time, the guy I had been dating for about 6 months and I broke up. I was pretty upset by it and she was there when it happened. I noticed that she didn’t really talk about it with me the way I was expecting her to, but blew it off on account for the fact that she was still in the final month of ending things with her ex and that it was a hard transition for her. I reached out once things began to get a little bit awkward and she said she was trying to stay in a positive mindset. Understandably, I had been pretty depressed when we did chat, I also lost my job within weeks of my own relationship ending. I understood that my energy may have been a downer for her, she works in admin and was in her final semester of uni, so I thought it was fine.

A few months down the track things really did start to get awkward and she did call me up on it. I didn’t want to guilt her and I genuinely supposed she was dealing with her own crap. At this point, I very much realised that our conversations had been surrounding her. She still came to me to talk to me about her being worried about failing classes, losing her job and general chat about other boys but she never asked me how I was. I felt like maybe the relationship had reached a point of inequality and I had just been excusing it for months on end. I kinda assumed she didn’t ask me how I was because all I’m doing is studying at the moment. I am not interning or working because of covid (which probably makes me hard to be around).

Now, that I’m feeling better and she is too I find myself wanting to ignore her more than ever. I’m frustrated that the conversation still revolves around her and I feel as though she hints that she wants me ask about things. I find myself resisting to interact with her because engaging makes me resentful.

How do I get over these petty little things when I know deep down I really love her lots?

TL;DR I have grown resentful of my best friend and feel like cutting her off. How do I stop being so petty and save the friendship?

Submitted July 19, 2020 at 09:32PM by isah31 https://ift.tt/2Ck3sTy