I [39F] am having trouble finding a man and starting a family despite trying. What am I doing wrong?

To start, I'm 39F. I live in a large metropolitan area in the US. I moved here from another large metropolitan area in the US for university and have stayed since. I have a job I've been at for 15+ years now, making above average money in a tech management position. I have a small group of good friends ([30sF]); we all met in college. All of these friends have long term relationships, and all except one are married, with one having a young child. I have hobbies and go to the gym regularly because I enjoy it.

​

Growing up, I was someone for whom things just went well typically. I did well in school, got into a good university, got my degree, and got a good job afterwards that has treated me well. I work a normal 40 hour week that hardly requires overtime, leaving me with time to pursue activities and downtime. The only thing that has seemed to be exceedingly difficult for me is finding a boyfriend.

​

Growing up, I always dreamed of having a husband and a child or two. I have really enjoyed helping my sister [36F] and her husband with their two young children until the pandemic, and I really wanted a child of my own. I live alone now, but I have never enjoyed living alone, and I would like to have someone to do activities with and share my life with. Although I am successful in many ways, I often feel alone at home.

​

With one exception which I'll discuss later, I have had no long term relationships since college ended. I didn't have a high school boyfriend, and most college dating experiences didn't last beyond a few dates, but I did not put as much effort as I could in dating because I was focused on my studies. I got a job right after graduation in tech (something which this area is known for). I have what I'd say is a good life-work balance.

​

I started to really try to date when I was 23. I started with free services like OKCupid and moved on to paid services like Match after. I had no problem getting first dates with men, and that would often lead to more dates. I really enjoyed many of the guys I went out with, but after a few dates (usually less than 8 or 10), they would either ghost or break it off. Just when I thought things could be starting to get serious. I shrugged it off at first, but it was starting to get more and more grating. Many of these guys I could see myself in serious relationships with.

​

I did happen to have one long term relationship when I was 30-31. He was about my same age. We dated seriously for a year and a half. We talked about things like what moving in together would look like, and it seemed to be going well. After a year and a half, he said that he just wasn't feeling the relationship anymore. We ended it on good terms, but I haven't really kept up with him at all after that. This was one of the happiest periods of my life, and even though we didn't live together, we slept over at each other's places fairly often. I really enjoyed my time with him, and I'm sad that he didn't end up seeing a future with me, but I'm grateful for our time together.

​

I've continued dating, but I'm out of ideas. My friends have taken pity on me and have been introducing me to guys as well, but none of them seem to click with me. To be completely honest, I haven't turned anyone down. My friends insist that I am good enough looking, and that I have a good personality. I have kept working out even during the pandemic. I'm not, nor have ever been, supermodel or Instagram model status, but I don't think I'm homely either. I spend time to make sure that I look good and care about my dress and my presentation.

​

I wouldn't normally make a post like this, but seeing as I'm 39, I'm running out of time in terms of starting a family. My friend talked to me about freezing my eggs, and while that's fine, I also don't want to be too old and starting a family either. With the pandemic, dating has become even harder, and I don't want to go out to meet people right now in fear of getting sick. I only go out when absolutely needed, and I always wear a mask. In the meantime, I'm not getting any younger, so I'll probably be 40 at least by the time the pandemic ends.

​

Are there any other women who are or have been in my position? Even someone who's a bit older who was in my situation but ended up finding a great guy? Anyone end up freezing their eggs successfully and having children later in life? Any general advice for something that I seem to be doing wrong?

​

Thank you for your time.

​

EDIT: I am not interested in being a single parent.

​

tl;dr: I'm a 39 year old woman who has only had one long term relationship. I feel like I'm running out of time to start a family. Actively dating but no long term prospects in sight. What should I do?

Submitted July 20, 2020 at 04:18PM by throwRA_amIdtbl39f https://ift.tt/2ZM4Gjl