Bit of backstory. I'm in university (I went back just as she finished) and i'm a very easy-going guy who is generally positive and doesn't get too bothered when things don't go my way. I'm also an only child and my father has dementia and my mother cares for him. My gf has been working the entire time while I have been at uni and is a very anxious person who talks through problems over and over again until they don't affect her as much. She has big plans to travel the world and get out of the 9-5 daily grind for a while.
We've been together 5 years, live together and talk all the time about the future together etc. We've always had a lot of fun in our relationship and I think she is incredible which is why I want to make it work. We don't really argue, but when we do it's always about the same two things.
The first thing is that she feels all of our conversations are 'surface level' and we never go 'deep'. Her parents both work as counsellors so she has grown up in an extremely open family who love to discuss their feelings and why they feel that way. I come from a family who does not talk as often about their feelings and i'm very good at dealing with things on my own. I understand the importance of communication, but i'm of the mindset that if i'm not bothered about something then there's no need to talk about it. We talk to each other all day every day but sometimes we'll fall out because I don't 'give' her enough and it's a problem because she wants someone she can communicate with on a deeper level.
The second thing is that because of my parents situation I would not feel comfortable moving to a different country or travelling for an extended period of time. My time with my dad being of sound mind is only decreasing, so to disappear for a bit is not appealing. I would love to travel and experience new things, but I couldn't help feeling guilty for doing so. My gf is desperate to go and make the most of her youth. I fully support her in this and we have discussed compromises where I will go with her for a shorter period (maybe 4-6) months when I finish uni and then she can go on for longer without me. I've told her I would LOVE to go but she feels like I just don't want the same thing as her, but because of my situation it's near impossible to get excited about it, and her going away by herself isn't the same as us experiencing it together. In the grand scheme of life her travelling for a year or two isn't that big a deal since we have already managed a long distance relationship for the same amount of time and we will have the rest of our lives to spend with each other.
We've had this discussion about how to fix things many, many times but we struggle to come up with a workable resolution so i'm looking for advice here. How can I permanently become a better communicator when it's not innately in me, and what can we do about having conflicting desires to stay/leave the country? What compromises can I offer? Thank you.
tldr: we love each other but i suck at communicating my feelings and she feels trapped because I want to stay near my parents with dementia.
Submitted July 23, 2020 at 03:14AM by throwawayblablablaa https://ift.tt/39pe4w8
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