My boyfriend [36M] and I [31F] are over 4 years into a relationship that feels romantically one-sided.

My boyfriend [36M] and I [31F] have been together for over 4 years now, living together for 2 years. We recently moved to a new city and since the move, I've felt our relationship go a bit stale and it doesn't feel as fulfilling as the first few years.

We have similar values and goals out of life. He is kind, smart, ambitious, loyal, and a great partner in most regards. He pitches in equally with housework, finances, etc, and we do have a satisfying and healthy sex life.

However, I am always the one planning fun things to do, date nights, vacations, fun activities in and outside of home and am the one always making the romantic gestures and often the one to initiate sex. I check in regularly with genuine interest on his well-being and day to day happenings, and tell him on a regular basis that I think he's handsome/how much I love him.

He will, at most, ask how my day was, but it seems more like a habit than genuine interest. He is always willing to go along with my ideas but never plans anything for the two of us and rarely shows verbal affection beyond an occasional "I love you". I've tried to tactfully discuss this with him, but he does not handle these conversations very well and will immediately shut down and internalize everything I'm saying and beat himself up about it (without any meaningful change).

I'm starting to feel worn down, unfilfilled, and frustrated with the seemingly one sidedness of the romantic portion of this relationship.

Am I expecting too much for him to change his behaviors after 4 years in? How do we put in the work to reignite the romance without him shutting down from hearing my side of it? I would like to work through this as I do love him very much and we do plan on getting married within the next year.

TL;DR - 4 year yelationship feels romantically one sided. How do I shift this balance without hurting my boyfriend's feelings?

Submitted February 10, 2020 at 12:24PM by elle_jay_e https://ift.tt/2HbSD4r