My Dad (59M) is getting married and has mostly ghosted me (35M) and my sister (37F) and his family but wants us at his wedding.

My parents have been divorced since I was 1 - over 30+ years. My dad has always made great efforts to be there as a "dad" throughout our entire lives and we've always had a close relationship. My sister and him have been much closer for the past 5+ years and have helped each other through things, as I have lived far away and they live very close. They have spoken on the same day every week for 5+ years. Him and I would speak once a week or every other week for sure. Until 1 year ago. That was when he met his now fiancé (40-ishF).

Ever since then, his relationship to family has completely changed. He stopped calling my sister every week and would call me maybe once a month. He has 7 brothers and sisters who all live within one hour of each other. He used to be really close with 2 of them, and would visit every couple of weeks and talk on the phone. That all stopped as well, so it's not just with his kids. He stopped answering texts, and would maybe respond in a few days. The times we did speak on the phone, he seemed distant, not really interested in what was going on with us, and not offering any details on what was going on with him.

To complicate things a bit further, my first child (his first and only grandchild) was born a little over a year ago, before this change started. He was great then - he drove 12 hours to come see her, stayed with us for a few days, seemed interested in her. Now - not so much. He never asks about her by phone or by text. Never wants pictures, Facetime, etc. One would think he would be interested in his only grandchild but....We planned her first birthday party more as a family gathering, since we live far from family. Everyone came except him. He had told me he was going to come and then as the day got closer, never called or anything and just didn't show up. He didn't even call on her birthday. Later, in a phone call with my sister, he admitted he didn't go because "he just made a decision not to".

My sister has called him out on his behavior twice. They are closer than him and I, and she has told him, point blank, how he has changed, how she feels unimportant to him and his new life, etc. He has expressed shock and remorse, said that's not his intention at all, and vowed to make a better effort to reconnect with her. Then, the following week, he wouldn't call and everything would be the same as before.

His fiancé - nobody really knows her. This past winter, before they were engaged, my dad and her came to visit and "meet us". In reality, we didn't get to know her at all. When they were at our house, she spent the majority of the time in our guestroom in the basement and would only come upstairs when we were leaving the house. My dad spent most of his time with her. He asked to borrow my car to take her to church (which is totally fine) and I said we should meet up for lunch afterwards, so come home when you're done and we'll all go out. They came back about 4 hours later and said they had decided to go out for pancakes after church - alone. No text, no call, they just went. That sums up the trip.

A few months ago, he called to say he was engaged. He said they were planning the wedding for sometime early 2019. About a month ago, he texted to say, actually, we're going to get married in November. He wants my sister and I to go. It will be a small wedding - just her kids (she has 5) and my sister and I were invited. There will be a reception after the wedding for friends and family. To get there, I will need to drive 11 hours one way with my 14-month old (my wife has to work that weekend and has no way to change her schedule). Apart from the long drive with a toddler, I feel conflicted about going. I know he's entitled to live his own life and do whatever he wants, but it feels as though he has zero space for his children in this new life of his. He makes almost zero effort to keep in touch with us, almost zero effort to express care for his granddaughter (which almost hurts more). How long should we keep trying before using that time and energy for something more productive? If we go to the wedding, it will be a fake show of support. If we don't go, will he care? I don't know.

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Tl;Dr: Sister and I used to be really close to Dad. All changed and he's mostly ghosted us (and his only granddaughter) after meeting his fiancé. Should we go to their wedding?

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Submitted October 27, 2018 at 06:25AM by CheeseHead_83 https://ift.tt/2PWsc5O