My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. If you would’ve asked me a year ago I would’ve confidently told you he was my “happily ever after”. He’s a great guy with a great heart and we’ve shared plenty of amazing moments together. This year has been very rough for me and I really needed his support through a lot of it.
So a little backstory about myself, I sometimes suffer from depressed and anxious feelings (I’m not diagnosed with either but mostly because calling a doctor and saying my brain is a scary place increases my anxious feelings). My boyfriend does not, and sometimes has a hard time understanding these feelings or knowing how to handle them. I will not fault him for that but he has a bad habit of making me feel like he’s trying to “fix” me. I know it’s just his attempt to help but I’ve told him many times it just drives me nuts. He tends to ask questions like “what is causing this feeling” to which my answer is usually “HELL IF I KNOW”. I know it comes from a good place but it really does not help.
Earlier this year I had a falling out with my best friend and it really affected my mental health. I was a walking zombie just trying to get through each day. One morning I was in his room after he had already left for work. I went to use his iPad to stream on the tv when I saw his Reddit left open. Usually I respect his privacy but curiosity got the best of me when I saw it was about me. His post was something like “my gf is depressed and won’t have sex with me”. He goes on to say how horny he’s been and how uninterested I am but he’s trying really hard not to cheat like he’s done In past relationships. I felt like GARBAGE, my mental health was making my bf think of cheating. Later that night I tell him I found the post and how sorry I am for neglecting him and I’ll try to be better.
Months have passed and I’ve gotten a better handle of my mental stability and all I can think is how absolutely fucked it is that I was drowning on land and all he cared about was getting his dick wet! I’ve lost my desire to have sex with him and my heart breaks every time I think about it. I lost my best friend and needed my partner to support me and lead me out of my sorrow. But instead he was selfish and cruel.
I love my boyfriend more than I ever thought I was capable of. I’ve put off telling him how I feel because a) he’ll try to “fix” things that idk can ever be fixed or b) we break up by the end of the conversation. I keep holding out hope that I’ll see the love of my life in him again but I just don’t know. Please give me some guidance because I’m lost and hurt.
TLDR: Found bfs Reddit post about me not having sex with him while I was having depressed feelings.
Submitted June 29, 2022 at 12:03AM by throwaway9764799 https://ift.tt/nvNCXSK
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