My (39m) girlfriend (30f) broke up with me after I told her about a colleague (30f) making a move on me.

(I originally tried posting this to r/relationship_advice but it kept getting taken down, I'm new to Reddit so still figuring all this out)

Hi all,

I’m not sure what this is going to be; if it’s a question or looking for advice or a rant or a cry for help or maybe it’s all the above but I’m really struggling to deal with the situation and feel like I need to get it out as I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it.

Up until a couple of weeks ago I (39m) had an amazing relationship with an amazing woman (30), for the sake of this her name will be Jill. She was all I could have asked for in a partner, her weirdness mirrored mine but where I tried to be professional and not show it, she embraced it and that was one of the many things I loved her for. She had children from previous relationships, I hate children, but I adore these kids and it felt like we were a family, something I had never wanted but this felt like home.

Everything was beautiful until a few weeks ago, I had given a colleague, who we’ll call Hannah (30), from work a lift home. Stopping the car outside hers we chatted for a while then completely out the blue Hannah leaned over a kissed me. I was shocked and had no idea what to do, nothing like this had happened to me before and had no clue what to say, Hannah got out the car and went home, I drove back to my flat in stunned shock. This was my first mistake; I should have said something and to this day the situation still goes through my mind and I can think of a million things to say.

This was on the Monday, the nest week was horrible to say the least, my anxiety went up, I sank into a depression and the whole situation kept playing on my mind, all the things I should have said or done but I didn’t know what to do, this is my second mistake, I had plenty of opportunities to say to Hannah that what she did was wrong, I have a partner who I love and she damn well knew that, so I should have said something, but I’m a coward and I didn’t, maybe it was flattering but I had no feelings towards other than as a colleague and after that incident nothing but contempt.

I lost sleep, couldn’t eat and was breaking down at the slightest thing with worry for the next week, what should I do? Part of me wanted to tell Jill the whole thing but part of me didn’t cause I knew it would upset her, so that Friday at hers Jill knew there was something very not right with me, she always knew when something weas bothering me (something I both loved and hated about her), but I didn’t say anything, I didn’t know how to even begin to explain the situation without sounding like a total idiot. So, after a very uncomfortable night’s sleep, on Saturday morning, I broke down and told Jill what had happened and that’s when things started to fall apart. Of course, she was upset and angry and confused and probably wanted to smack me. That day was one of the worst I’ve experienced, she kept asking me why I didn’t say anything or why I didn’t avoid the kiss, all questions I didn’t have an answer for and even now don’t have an answer for other than I’m an idiot. In the afternoon Jill said we needed to split up, she had been lied and hurt before, which I knew about, and this was just another instance and she didn’t want to deal with it, the damage had been done, which I understand but I didn’t want to break up, she’s the first woman I can honestly say I loved and I didn’t want to let her go, but what could I say? She’s got a strong head on her shoulders (something else I both love and hate about her). So that evening I went back to my flat in a daze and completely broken.

The following week was tough, I was ridiculously ill for a couple of days, then on the Wednesday of that week I sat Hannah down and explained to her why what she did was wrong, that I had a partner which she knew and her doing that was out of line. She was upset but she wasn’t going to get any sympathy. She apologised and left my office, the rest of my final two weeks at work (been made redundant) were spent awkwardly avoiding each other. That night however Jill texted me to say we were done, the damage had been done and she didn’t want to try to fix things and I wasn’t to try and talk her out of it. At the time I wasn’t surprised but two weeks on and I’m a mess.

I had planned on starting to go to therapy and getting on anti-depressants before all this, I have the fun combination of major depression and anxiety which I’ve never fully addressed, which I’m now getting, going to therapy three times a week has been a great help but even though we’ve spoken about the situation I still have this huge hole in my heart where Jill once was.

I’ve reached out to Jill to ask if we can chat, maybe open a line of dialogue to not necessarily get back together but to try and mend the rift and see where that takes us, but she hasn’t replied, and I doubt she will.

I’ve written it with tears in my eyes and I’m due to go to a thing where there are going to be a lot of people and I’m struggling to think past the whole ugly situation above and trying to come up with a reason to leave early tonight.

I wish I could describe how much I miss her but it would need a TL;DR all of its own.

Can anyone offer any advice?

TL;DR - Work colleague kissed me, told partner about it and partner dumped me.

Submitted June 23, 2022 at 02:52PM by Zestyclose_Bottle_38 https://ift.tt/ZX6dDtn