I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have lost my best friend of eight years. It was gradual, but I think I can safely say I have truly lost her now. We are mere acquaintances now.
The last time we had a real conversation was me opening up to her about the toxic things my boyfriend does. I told my best friend I would break up with him, and talked to my boyfriend too. We honestly both cried and I think it was a wake up call for him. We ended up staying together, with him making more of an effort to take what I said to heart and improve himself.
He still has bad days sometimes, but I think it’s because this is still our first serious relationships, and he was never shown a loving relationship by his parents. These days, if he does lose his temper at me over something minor, I give him time to cool off. He then self reflects on where his misdirected anger should have gone to and apologizes.
He isn’t perfect, but neither am I and he has genuine effort to be more loving and caring, show more affection and we improved our relationship tremendously. We have been dating for four years, and I feel more loved in the past year than I have in the three prior combined. My best friend always knew some of the things he did, how he treated me, but I didn’t share most of it because I made excuses for him because of his mental illnesses, until the day where I broke like a dam and revealed everything.
My boyfriend had issues with my best friend too because he has jealousy issues. I did tell my best friend about this too, and she really did not like my boyfriend. She even told me my boyfriend was abusive. I knew that already since I had talked to the abuse hotline about some of the things he would do. Maybe I was a fool to stick around, but I truly think that when I said I wanted to leave, it made him change for the better.
I’m so much happier now and have a lot of other friends too, yet I keep wishing there was something I could do to reconnect with my best friend, who such an important part of my life for so many years. I don’t think I’ll ever get this that though. I don’t know what to do about all of this. Maybe us being a couple years into college now has something to do with us drifting apart too, but she did want to visit me before. She said she would visit me after I broke up with him and I told her that would be very nice. Obviously I never did, but I did tell her that he was working on things and getting better.
Maybe this is the natural course of life, people grow apart. I do wish it didn’t feel like I chose one person over the other though. Do I keep trying to rekindle the friendship? I don’t even know what to start conversations with anymore. Do I just move on and accept this as a part of life? Any advice at all on this situation as a whole would be appreciated.
EDIT: I have been thinking and maybe I feel like I can’t let go of my relationship because that’s how my parents were. My mom was the explosive one though and my dad was the passive one. He always told me that she is his best friend and that he loves her and stuck by her. I sort of resented him growing up for never taking my side when she would be violent towards me. My mom lost her parents at a young age too so could I be in a way emulating my parents relationship? God I feel kind of nauseous thinking about that now. My best friend always called my dad spineless for not leaving my mom and maybe she thinks I’m spineless too
TLDR: Opened up to my best friend of 8 years (24F) about my boyfriend (25M) of four years having abusive tendencies. She wanted me to dump him. I told him my intentions and he broke down, I gave him another chance. He has genuinely improved himself and I feel more loved now that I did in the whole three years before. Now my best friend and I have drifted away and are mere acquaintances. Do I keep trying to rekindle the friendship? Do I move on? Do I do something else?
Submitted June 11, 2022 at 11:33PM by throwaway26382949293 https://ift.tt/NRalc7V
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