My boyfriend [40M] and I [32F] have been together 3 years. He's the guy I lost my virginity to on my 30th birthday. Originally we were planning to get married.
Everything has been a mess for so long though. The whole time, he's always had jealousy issues and accused me of cheating. It always seemed rediculous to me, because it was always my goal to be with only one man in my entire life. Meanwhile, he has 11 kids to 5 baby moms and has a history of cheating on his exes. (One time when he was drunk, he justified cheating on exes by saying, "Girlfriends are just test dummies." But most frequently, he justified cheating on his last girlfriend by saying, "That was just something to f**".) But he's always wanted to distrust *me, when I was loyal. I know what it's like to get 30 texts from him during a shower and for him to have broken up with me by the time I get out of the shower for not answering. I know what it's like for him to flip out and punch holes in walls and light things on fire because he's jealous I have to train temps at work, when he's always told me he never wants me to talk to any other guys or stand within 6 ft of a guy (even before COVID). He accuses me of checking out guys I didn't even notice were there. He's flipped out on me before because some guy happened to go to the bathroom upstairs while I was in the other bathroom downstairs and according to him we must have been sexting. I could go on and on, because this has always been a nonstop issue with my boyfriend.
Meanwhile, I feel like he's never let me into his personal life. I don't truly know his friends and family, after 3 years together. For instance, I've only met his mom once, and when I eventually found out his mom had a heart attack, he told me, "It's none of your business. It's a family matter. Are you family?" When I asked him why he doesn't let me into his life more, he's told me, "Because being boyfriend and girlfriend doesn't really mean anything." He's also called me "replacable" multiple times and always said, "If you want to break up, I need to know now so I can go hook up with someone else tonight."
He's literally never nice to me anymore and hasn't been in like a year. I've begged and begged him to be nice to me and told him he makes me feel single. But he says, "If you're not giving me what I want, I'm not giving you what you want either." I always tell him, "But what you want is impossible." I can't refuse to train temps or refuse to work 15 minutes overtime, if it's my job. But it makes him so mad, so he'll ignore me like I don't exist, refuse to speak to me, and refuse to even kiss me. His words are, "If you disrespect me, I'm going to disrespect you."
Now I got a promotion at work, so he and I no longer work at the same location. Now instead of seeing me 6 days a week, he spends 1 to 3 hours with me one day a week and basically ignores me the rest of the time. In the last week, he only even called me once, and that was only because he wanted to masturbate together on video chat. And when he sees me once a week, he'll just do something like book a hotel for us, so our time together will be just sex. These days I feel like I have an FWB instead of a bf. But now we're even having sexual issues, because lately he just pushes and pressures me for unprotected sex and refuses sex with a condom.
I'm only seeing my boyfriend a couple hours a week, and basically only for sex. Most of the time my boyfriend acts like he wants nothing to do with me. Today I had to stop by his location at work, and he refused to speak to me. Another coworker even offered to fill in for him, but he said, "That's okay, I don't want to talk to her." (He was upset with me because another worker asked me when we're going to get raises, and he didn't like that I talked to the guy about it.)
So tonight I really messed up (and I know you guys are going to judge me for this). I'm not allowed to talk to guys, hang out with guys, wear yoga pants, etc. But tonight I was so fed up that I put on a pair of yoga pants, texted an old guy friend of mine, and went to his house. And I cheated. I actually hooked up with this other guy. I never knew I had it in me to cheat or to have casual sex, but I just did both. I'm in complete shock.
I want to break up with my boyfriend. He says he has 1 hour to spend with me tomorrow (that's one hour for the entire week). How do I tell him no? I really don't want to see him. He's just stress, drama, jealousy, and control issues. All we do at this point is have sex and fight, and to be honest the other guy tonight was better in bed and also willing to wear a condom.
How do I handle this situation? How do I tell the guy I lost my virginity to and was planning on spending forever with that it's over?
TL;DR: My bf of 3 years basically just seems like a fwb at this point (plus a lot of drama). He's spent 3 years falsely accusing me of cheating, until tonight I actually did. How do I tell the guy I lost my virginity to and was planning on spending forever with that it's over? I want to break up.
Submitted June 10, 2022 at 07:51PM by YakWhich5052 https://ift.tt/uZKc5HS
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