My friend (20 F) is quite a character and has been part of my high school friend group (all girls and one guy aged 20-21) for the past 6 years. A couple of them, including this friend, moved away to another city for University. This friend is now in her final year. I’m also not the closest with this friend but I am still concerned for her well-being.
Coincidentally, purely by luck, I have never witnessed any of her meltdowns (which often occur when alcohol is involved). However recently a group of us attended a birthday and my friend (20 F) flew back for said party and cried non-stop for almost 4 hours. Some of the reasons include: no longer having friends in the city she resides in, feeling ugly and fat, wanting a “man”, speculation that those of us who are single also have secret significant others, feeling depressed, feeling like everyone else is progressing into adulthood/being successful while she’s being left behind, feeling that no one cares about her and feeling that she was ruining the night with her crying. And during speeches she was saying no one would say nice things about her or come if she had a 21st. No one really noticed her crying throughout the night since we kept to the sides. We failed to console her through rationalising, hugs, shoulder pats and encouraging words/compliments but she eventually just cried herself out. The worst part is that she usually doesn’t remember her meltdowns or at least not in full.
We speculate her meeting the boyfriend of another friend (who also attended the party) triggered her self-esteem issues and it all just exploded from there.
More information: She had 4 drinks at 7% before the event and another standard drink during the night. Usually she’s not this bad but she hasn’t been drinking recently as she lives by herself and claims “she has no friends”. We did cut her off at the bar and kept eyes on her throughout the night. She also claimed “I didn’t cry that much” the next day.
The others are tired of her meltdowns and I can see why. But we aren’t sure how to deal with them either - apart from letting her cry or not inviting her to drinks (but she’ll likely take that as a sign of rejection). We’ve already tried to minimise socialising with her when drinking is involved but that can’t always be the case depending on circumstances.
Although she isn’t diagnosed we all think her anxiety and depression is apparent. She’s not in a good head space and even messaging her mom can take an hour to formulate a response. Still, she is not interested in seeing a therapist. We also don’t want her to feel cornered in case it affects her mental health.
Also she isn’t on birth control or any medication. This is just her.
Any advice on how to deal with her meltdowns? Or how to convince her to seek proper help?
Tl;dr: my friend had a 4 hour meltdown at another friend’s birthday. She’s not on any meds and also isn’t interested in seeing a therapist and we don’t know what to do
Edit: for clarification we are located in New Zealand where covid is not currently an issue in the community
Submitted November 02, 2020 at 04:27PM by smoothiegroovy https://ift.tt/3oM3eI9
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