This issue has come up repeatedly in our relationship and I don't know how to fix it. My (24f) partner (m24) will randomly strongly dislike something I enjoy and this ruins whatever that thing is for me.
Example: There was a dumb but catchy song going around TikTok (I don't have tiktok I just see them on Insta) and I started listening to it sometimes as part of my getting ready playlist just because it was upbeat and made me feel goofy and happy. My partner and I were hanging out and he asked what I wanted to listen to and I jokingly said that song. He was downright disgusted. "No. You always listen to these stupid meme songs and it drives me nuts." I let it go because I didn't actually want to listen to it and he's right, it is a stupid song. That's kind of what I like about it.
Cut to this morning. I put on my getting ready playlist. That song played and allll I could think of was what he said. The song was effectively ruined. I realized what he said just killed it for me and that made me sad.
This has happened with many different things and it's starting to be the pattern. I like something. I share it in some way with him. He dislikes it strongly. The thing is ruined for me.
This has happened with clothes, hobbies, tv shows, etc. I'm at the point I am withholding things I like because I want to be able to enjoy them without getting sh*t for it. I am not upset about one individual instance; I'm worried about the pattern. (This doesn't happen with EVERYTHING I like, just random things. And sometime's he says he doesn't like something but eventually he comes around and we enjoy it together, like a tv show we just finished.)
I have tried bringing it up in the past so he understands how it makes me feel but obviously it's not like I can expect him to like everything I like. I just don't want to feel like he's attacking ME instead of the thing he doesn't like.
Is it my fault for allowing his words to affect me so much? Is it his fault for phrasing his opinions in a way that attack me instead of the thing he doesn't like? Is this entire pattern a red flag or just something that needs to be worked through? How?
TL;DR My partner randomly strongly dislikes something I like and I end up no longer enjoying that thing anymore. Need advice.
EDIT: Thank you all. I made this post to make sure I'm not just being overly sensitive and that this is something we both need to work on, which I think it is.
I also want to clarify this is the only issue in an otherwise great relationship. One commenter nailed it on the head when they said "I'm sure he doesn't think or even register that his projections are damaging to those around him, if he has grown up with the same words being said to him." In the past when I have talked to him about this he seemed genuinely surprised and very apologetic. The problem was he would promise never to do it again...then he would. I don't think he's intentionally trying to knock me down, it's like a reflex he's learned. BUT that's not an excuse for him to keep doing it.
I'm going to spell it out for him: Yes I am pretty sensitive, but he's being callous and unnecessarily mean. Just because it's unintentional doesn't mean it's acceptable to step on my joy, and I will let him know if I don't see him taking steps to get to the root of this issue, I'm outta here. Thanks reddit.
Submitted November 27, 2020 at 12:30PM by yikesyikes777 https://ift.tt/39k6XqS
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