This is my first time posting on reddit so I apologize in advance if this is too long or I mess anything up. I'm also not in my best head space and have barely slept for days.
I feel like I've read a million stories similar to mine on this sub. About 13 months ago I left my life behind to move to another state with my partner for his new job. I was able to get a job working for him as this was what I also did previously and had plenty of experience. I found out the day we moved here that I was pregnant. Unfortunately around 13 weeks we lost the baby. This was a tough time but I felt like going through it together actually made us stronger as a couple. We became pregnant again a little over 2 months later. Both of my pregnancies were horrible, but that could be a post in itself so I'll leave it at that. I'm 37 weeks into this 2nd pregnancy now. Due to the pandemic I haven't seen any friends or family during my entire pregnancy so I am completely isolated out here (moved to midwest US from NYC area). My partner works 60-80 hours per week and is on call for work nearly 24 hours per day. This has never been an issue for me. I do the same kind of work and find this level of work ethic admirable and attractive.
Thanksgiving was a few days ago. This is one of the only days of the year that work is closed so he does not get phone calls all day and night. We decided to enjoy a quiet day at home as it would be our last before I give birth to our son. I had meals planned out for the whole day and had him pick out what he wanted for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I am a vegetarian (relevant later) and have gestational diabetes so I was doing 90% or this cooking for him. I come from a big Italian family and we show our love with food. As I was getting ready to make dinner he decided to take a nap. His phone was in the kitchen next to mine. I have never been the jealous type or one to snoop, I really believe in trust and privacy... but his phone screen went off and I saw it was a dating app. This changes things and of course I opened it and investigate. I am terrible with technology so I really didnt get far, just read his profile and saw some of the women he matched with or whatever it is. I didn't see any messages but I didn't really look for them. I was just devastated and numb. His profile name? The name he picked out if we have a 2nd son one day. So I'm disgusted as well.
Of course I confront him about it all while still in the process of making all of this food for Thanksgiving. I tell him to just be honest with me and he only admits to having the app but says he didn't do anything with anyone. He also tried to spin it around on me. A few months ago I downloaded an app that helps you meet friends since I am in a new state and lonely. I ended up not using it and deleting it but I told him about it before even getting it in the first place so he wouldn't think it was a dating app. Well he says he got the dating app because he thought I was trying to cover my tracks with the friendship app? Doesn't really make sense but I really want to believe him at this point so I half accept this. I tell him he needs to just communicate with me like an adult. We talk about it, he deletes the app (not really convinced he did but ok) and we have dinner. Obviously Thanksgiving is ruined and I now feel like I can't trust him at all. At a time when all that should be on my mind is my new journey into motherhood that is coming extremely soon I am just stressed out that there is more to this story.
The next day he is in the shower and I am in the bathroom getting ready. We can see where this is going. I decide to look in his phone to hopefully just find nothing and have some peace of mind. Nope. He's been talking to some other woman since I was 6 months pregnant. There are talks of them meeting up, sexual messages, pictures and videos. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and was so distraught that I barely took anything in. He did make a rude comment about me being vegan (I'm not, I'm vegetarian) which really hurt because I put a ton of effort into cooking meat for him on a regular basis. Of course I confront him again. He admits to meeting up with her but says they just talked and he couldn't go through with it. He says she was the only girl he met. I'd love to believe these things but I just don't. It sounds like he's just admitting to the bare minimum.
The sad part is I would probably be ok with an open relationship as long as it was built on honesty. Throughout our whole relationship I have felt like my sex drive is way higher and kinkier than his. We have great sex and I enjoy it just the same so I figured that just wasn't going to be a part of my life anymore and was fine with it. Now I see these messages with this other woman and it just hurts that he is ok with saying this stuff to her but has always been completely vanilla with me. When confronted he basically said he doesn't see me "that way" and she was a "swinger type" where as I am just "too serious all the time". I still don't really understand this. If we are going by looks alone I am definitely more attractive than this woman, so I know it's not a pure looks thing. We have been talking a lot about this and I told him I'd really wanted to have that type of romantic side to our relationship the whole time but I always thought he wasn't into it. I want to start sending eachother romatic and suggestive messages because its something I'm into and so is he. He just doesn't seem into the idea of doing it with ME even though he says he will. I offered to send him pics and he says "you don't have to do that". What?
I have the option to move back home and stay with a friend until I am able to rebuild my life. I am too close to giving birth to do that before I have my son so I am going to stay with him for the birth and 6 weeks post partum no matter what. I want to have the life together we have planned, I don't want my son to grow up with his father 8 hours away and only semi-present in his life. How can I find a way to trust my partner again? What is going on with him not trying to open up sexually? Is there any way to truly fix this and go on to have a happy relationship?
TLDR- My partner got caught cheating on Thanksgiving while I am 9 months pregnant. How do I build trust with him again?
Submitted November 30, 2020 at 12:01PM by SnooBananas8065 https://ift.tt/3lq7p9A
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