Girl and I have been officially dating for almost 11 months. Her and I started our relationship by openly dating (I.e dating multiple people) in June. By October she asked me to become exclusive and in January I officially asked her out which started our 11 month journey till now. We had talked about it and our parents just met to approve of our engagement for marriage. I was going to officially propose to her next month and already started wedding planning.
Throughout the relationship she has always been extremely paranoid about me cheating and she always asked to flip my phone over facing her or show my phone to her and tell her who was texting me or tell her if any girls dm,call, text me even close female friends. She doesn’t like it when I go to co-Ed parties without her or like/follow any females on Instagram and she is very big on saying she is loyal and huge on being open and honest. Her biggest mantra to me was that she would tell me everything no matter what that was her “problem” since she was so upfront and honest and so she expected the same from me. She had defined what boundaries of cheating were and they were on the extreme end, I.e messaging someone of the opposite gender and not telling your partner is cheating, lying about anything is cheating etc.
On the 11th month a friend of hers who she got into a huge fight with DM’d me that she had been cheating on me and sent me some suspicious screenshots. I ask to see her phone and search her phone in front of her only to find out it’s all true. She lied about it initially but once I started searching I found it all to be true and despite her hiding her phone from me and deleting the conversations off her phone she eventually admitted to some of it. She admitted to the items below:
The first of the major accusations I found out is that in her past relationship of 7 years she had cheated on her ex by dating him and someone else at the same time. She had told me about the relationship but never mentioned this cheating happening. Now granted it’s in her past but I had asked her how she moved on from him before and if she had ever cheated in a relationship before and she failed to mention the cheating part to me and told me she just fell out of love.
Second she had failed to mention the number of exes she had, initially she told me just one, then it became two and then I actually found out it was actually 3. She only told me about two of them before her friend told me the truth.
Third one of the guys she had spoken to earlier over summer had bought her flights to come meet him in NY in October, November, and December and she accepted the flights and went out on dates with him while there where she claims they did nothing romantically (she stayed over at her female friends apartment). He also bought her an LV belt for her bday and sent her roses on Valentine’s Day and she accepted both of them. She never mentioned these dates with him despite me asking previously if she had done anything at this time and us talking on the phone every night she was there.
Fourth as mentioned I officially asked her out in January and then we progressed insanely quickly (by April talking about marriage). It turns out she and the same guy that bought her flights had been texting in March and April. Granted I read the messages and all of them were harmless texts where he was hitting on her with her not taking the bait but at any point she didn’t quickly shut it down nor mention she was in a serious relationship. The texts had spanned a week going back and forth and he was the one to stop texting her. And of course she didn’t tell me about any of those texts that happened despite us talking on the phone everyday for several hours. I know for a fact if the roles were reversed her expectations would have been for me to tell her everything as soon as it happened. However she failed to mention any of these texts/ dates etc.
Her responses to my inquiries were simply she forgot to tell me and didn’t get a chance to since they were hard topics to discuss (we talked on the phone a lot and had touched every subject imaginable including difficult finance and family situations). She claims she doesn’t owe me any explanations of her past despite her making a fake Insta account to stalk my previous exes behind my back; that the November dates with the gent didn’t mean anything and she was just using him for free flights and a LV belt and that since we weren’t official quite yet it’s not cheating; and the texts to the gent in April were harmless didn’t mean anything since she made him a “friend”. She apologized for not being “transparent” and now claims that none of this is cheating and she was just crazy about being suspicious over things before and calling that cheating before. She is sorry and next time she will always tell me.
On one hand I want to believe her despite her lying a lot and want to give her a second chance but I was planning on marrying this girl and am unsure if I should give her another chance to regain my trust. It’s a lot of things she had lied about (even beyond this) and for me the incidents themselves aren’t bad but the fact that I found out from another person and that she had point blank lied about them to me previously makes me extremely nervous. All her friends and sisters knew the truth the entire time we were dating and failed to tell me or even advise her to tell me. I initially broke up with her instantly but she cried non stop and asked me to give her a second chance and not throw away our future marriage together over something as “silly” as this. Thoughts ?
tl;dr: girl point blank lied to me about her past relationship, platonic dates she went on with guys that were into her, and guys that were texting her despite her saying this was cheating to me before. Should I break up with her?
Submitted November 27, 2020 at 02:55AM by hotshot810 https://ift.tt/378uVCU
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