I [32M] and starting to feel resentful towards my SO [31F] for being financially unsuccessful and I feel so bad about it. I don't know how to get rid of this feeling. Doubting our relationship.

We've been together for 6 years. We met in college and we both graduated 4 years ago. She studied Biology while I majored in Electrical Engineering. She mostly took lab jobs that paid slightly more than minimum wage while I started off at around 73k. After two years of it she decided she hates lab work and quit to go back to school for Accounting, but decided that she hates that so she went back to school for Chemical Engineering, but decided she hates that and now wants to do nursing. She has not held any job since and I've started to make 125k base salary. I think we have seriously started to grow in different ways.

We used to be the type to split bills based on what is fair. She wasn't as needy as she is now. I used to be more spontaneous and would be willing to take her to weird places at weird times. I'm not down for that anymore since I have a stable job and need to sleep and stuff. I wasn't concerned about having a stable career and retirement, but now I am. To me, she is starting to seem irresponsible for someone who is 31, and to her she's starting to feel like I don't love her anymore.

We live with my parents rent free so I've been very patient about her situation, but I kind of find her excuses for not having a part time job to be very lame. I go to school part time too, she should be able to do part time work before she starts her nursing program next year.

I take care of all her basic necessities and for the past 3 years have been paying 100% for all of our vacations and meals. This is not cheap at all. She is already planning the next vacation, and I put my foot down and said no. I'm saving for a house now. This led to an argument about how I'm always concerned with money. This lead us to arguing about how our wedding should be. She wants all her relatives there (huge family) and says that we should be looking to spend at least 25k-40k, because that's around how much our friends' weddings have costed. I straight up said no that will never happen. 10k is my absolute max and no distant relatives who we never talk to anyway. I'm not gonna save up for a wedding + house + kids. We've communicated with each other, and I think neither of us are budging. I'm extremely depressed now and have been miserable this year and have been doubting our relationship. Still love her, but it's tearing my mind apart.

I don't care for financial success on her part, but I kind of thought she would make around at least 45k by now. We live in a high cost area with the average house approaching 700k. I really don't think 45k is such a tall ask. With her going back to school. I know for sure she will make more than that in a couple years, but right now my depression is starting to get out of control that I am not sure if I can last.

TLDR: SO does not make any money. We have been headed down different paths. I know she'll be financially fine in a couple years, but after 3 years of taking care of her basic necessities and our vacations, I'm very depressed. She is quite dependent on me for her happiness. I am not the type of person to have depression, but have been severely depressed for a year and am unhappy in this relationship. We've both communicated to each other and still haven't come to an agreement.

Submitted November 25, 2020 at 07:24PM by MobileCute8694 https://ift.tt/368ODPM