My (M28) wife (F28) wants to stop couples therapy after three sessions. Our marriage is really unhealthy right now and I don’t know what else to do.

We’ve been together for nine years, married for one. This is our third shot at couples counseling - my wife found our previous two attempts very painful, and we stopped both times at her her request (the first time was a couple sessions in our first year of dating, second was a couple months three years ago).

We’ve had a rough first year of marriage. We’re experiencing some cycles of conflict getting out of hand. Things will be okay for a few weeks, then from my perspective it feels like she becomes a totally different person. She gets extremely upset very quickly and we’re usually unable to deescalate before she starts threatening to hurt herself, screaming at me, and calling me names. There’s a couple of examples in my post history.

After a particularly bad fight a few months ago, she agreed to get back into couples therapy (we’re both already in individual therapy). We’ve done three sessions so far and she’s finding it extremely difficult. No matter how I try to word it, it feels like any time I try to bring up pain I’ve felt in response to something she did/said, she takes it extremely personally. She’ll spiral into saying she’s the worst partner ever, she’s a horrible person, says that I’m saying she’s a terrible wife, etc.

She told me today that she’s not mentally healthy enough to be in couples therapy, and that this is the worst she’s ever felt. I asked if she had a sense for when she might be ready to give it another shot and whether she could work in her individual therapy to understand what she needs to get to a place where we can do this work together. She got upset and said that she already has a long list of things she needs to work through in individual therapy.

I’m at a loss. I love this woman and I want to be with her for the rest of my life, but I feel like I’m losing myself in this marriage when I’m constantly walking on eggshells and can’t bring up that I’m in pain. We’ve been working so hard for so long to be better for each other. I’m struggling to see a path forward for us without some external support. I don’t know what to do if she’s not ready to do that work, and doesn’t know when she will be.

Should I give her an ultimatum? Do I just wait it out?

TLDR: We’ve had a hard first year of marriage. We started couples therapy but my wife wants to stop after three sessions because she says her mental health is too bad to do this work right now. I don’t see how we’re going to get better without external support, and I don’t know what to do.

Submitted November 27, 2020 at 12:27PM by spacehelp https://ift.tt/2Vd84ka